When we write or speak to an audience, we never quite know what effect our words will have. But one lady from Texas, named Serissa, recently wrote me about how my book Watering the Seed has influenced her:
Dear Giriraj Swami,
I am writing you to express how much your book has given me. Before reading it, I knew very little about Srila Prabhupada. I had been reading his books and learning so much from him, yet I knew little about his character. Because of your writing, however, I have been able to build a more personal relationship with him. There are countless ways in which your words have inspired me, but the following quote from your book has been one of the most influential:
“Srila Prabhupada told me that if I simply study the character of Lord Caitanya in Sri Caitanya-caritamrta—even apart from His being the Supreme Personality of Godhead—that just by studying Him as a Vaisnava I will become perfect. So, in the same way, I feel that if people study Srila Prabhupada, apart from his inner identity—which we may or may not know—if they study him just as a Vaisnava or as a great acarya or as a great personality, they will benefit.”
Because of you, I have been able to learn so much about Srila Prabhupada’s character. Your stories of him were so personal and very touching. As I read, I found myself being able to visualize the way he spoke—so gentle yet also so forceful if needed. I could picture the way he carried himself when he walked and hear him when he laughed; I could sense the affection pouring from him. The more I learned about him, the more I reflected on my own character and realized that I had so much to improve. Since then, I have felt so many things awaken within me—my tolerance, my kindness towards others, my patience, my joyfulness, my love . . . so many things. It made me want to chant more, and with more attention and affection. The love I feel inside, though . . . this love I am unable to describe no matter how much I try.
I could feel your great affection for Srila Prabhupada as I read, and it deeply touched me. You wrote, “I felt the awakening in my heart of a type of affection I had never felt before.” I too feel an affection in my heart, which I cannot describe.
Bhakti-yoga found me long before I knew what it was, before I knew the term “devotee,” or “devotional service.” For what other reason could I have looked at a picture of Krsna and decided in my heart that I was going to give Him all my love?
I read about Krsna consciousness, and it didn’t take me long to figure out the secret. The best way to think about Krsna all the time? Fall in love with Him. By the time I had discovered Krsna, I was already ready. He was perfect—exactly what I had been looking for: someone I could care for, do things for, feel love for, think about all the time . . . be happy with. Love in this material world binds you; love to Krsna sets you free. I discovered that you don’t have to shut off your emotions to be able to control your senses—merely give them to Krsna.
“The Lord, situated in the hearts of all living entities, directs their senses. But He directs in terms of surrender of the living entity, and in the case of the pure devotee He directly controls the senses.” (Srila Prabhupada’s purport to Bg 1.16)
As I focused my attention and love on Krsna, I had no idea the reality of what I was doing. At this time I began to read the Bhagavad-gita and the first canto of the Srimad-Bhagavatam. I remember reading about devotional service and thinking to myself, “What is this? How do I do this?” So at the same time that I was trying to give Krsna all my love and affection, I was beating my brains out trying to figure out how to render devotional service. Actually, that is what I am still trying to figure out.
Then I read something in Srimad-Bhagavatam that put into words exactly what I had been experiencing:
“The feeling of separation from the Lord is painful to the devotee, but because it is in connection with the Lord, it has a specific transcendental effect which pacifies the heart.” (Srila Prabhupada’s purport to SB 1.15.28)
One of my favorite stories in your book is the one you retold about Krsna meeting the residents of Vrndavana at Kuruksetra. This one especially touched me, and I read it often. “Krsna Himself was always feeling separation from the residents of Vrndavana. In His sleep He would call out the names of the cowherd boys, the cows, and the gopis, and sometimes His pillow would be wet from the tears He had shed.” The entire story is so deeply touching, so personal. The explanation of Yasoda taking Him in her lap, the description of Him seeing again all the cows . . . all of it is so wonderful. I am so very thankful for all you shared in your writings, because it helps me when I am feeling sad—feeling sad because I often feel I am not good enough for this. I often wonder if this is even real. But then I read that story and immediately feel relief. How could someone not be attracted to loving Krsna after reading that?
All I can say for certain is that my heart is indeed pacified. My desires are satisfied. I do not desire anything physical. My only desire is to love Krsna . . . and to learn how to do this better.
Thank you so very much for taking the time to read this. I know it is long, but actually I could write so much more. Being able to write all this has brought me such joy. Thank you!
I know I have so much more to give, so much more to learn, and until that desire goes away, it is all I care about.
Krsna has taken over. I do not have a choice.
Hare Krsna.
Thank you!
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We pray that Serissa will continue to make progress and that all her spiritual desires will be fulfilled—by Srila Prabhupada and Lord Krsna’s grace.
—Giriraj Swami
