Srila Prabhupada’s Memorial Festival

Giriraj Swami: My name is Giriraj Swami. I met Srila Prabhupada in Boston in 1969 and from 1970 I served Srila Prabhupada in India. I am always struck by how Srila Prabhupada manifests himself at the Prabhupada Festivals and other events here. Especially after the audiovisual presentation today, when the first speaker was speaking, I just felt Srila Prabhupada’s presence so much. Prabhupada’s heart was an ocean of love, full of liquid love without any limit. In his presence, and even here today, we felt the room filled with love from Srila Prabhupada’s heart. And after a few moments of reservations after the first speaker began, I just felt two things: how much love Prabhupada had for the speaker, and how much love the speaker had for Srila Prabhupada.

I think of the first time Baradraja Prabhu came to meet Srila Prabhupada in Boston. Baradraja had joined in Montreal but he never actually met Srila Prabhupada there. So he came down to Boston at the time that I first met Srila Prabhupada too. He was invited into the room where Srila Prabhupada was meeting with some devotees and what Baradraja Prabhu experienced was love, just love. And he commented to me he had the realization that Krishna consciousness was just love masquerading as a philosophy. And I had the same realization: “Yes, Krishna consciousness is just love.” Specifically, the Krishna consciousness movement is just Srila Prabhupada’s love. And the philosophy, the hari-nāma, the prasāda—all the things that ISKCON offers to people—are just sort of hooks to catch people and bring them to Krishna consciousness. Of course, in the absolute sense they are also Krishna, who is pure love Himself. But they are also lures to attract people. And after they are attracted and actually enter into Krishna consciousness, it is just love. It is nothing but love, and Srila Prabhupada was the personification of that love.

When Hansadutta Prabhu was speaking, even though he was speaking in his own voice, we could hear Srila Prabhupada’s voice, and Srila Prabhupada’s voice was full of love. It just resonated with love. And if we visualize Srila Prabhupada’s eyes, his glance was also full of love. We could feel it. Like the first time I went to Vrindavan with Guru dasa Prabhu, I actually felt something different, as if Krishna and His cowherd friends and cows were still there. And later in Bombay Srila Prabhupada articulated for me what I felt. He said, “When we are in Vrindavan we don’t see Krishna now, but we can feel His presence.” So Prabhupada’s love, we could just feel it in every molecule of him and around him.

Srutakirti Prabhu mentioned that when he thought of leaving Prabhupada’s personal service, Prabhupada said he didn’t like to change servants. It’s also true that Prabhupada didn’t want devotees to abandon their services even for other services. He liked them to stay in one place and stick to their service and develop it.

So Srila Prabhupada made me the temple president in Juhu, Bombay. When I came to Bombay from Calcutta I didn’t have any idea to become the temple president. I came with the idea to preach and to make life members. But somehow within a few days of my arrival Prabhupada wanted to send Brahmananda Prabhu, who had been in charge in Juhu, back to East Africa because the members missed him there and there was some difficulty. So Prabhupada asked, “Who will be the temple president here?” After the meeting with Srila Prabhupada, different senior devotees were talking. My name never even figured in my mind, what to speak of their talks. Then Prabhupada called us all back and raised the question again, “Who will take charge?” And then Prabhupada answered, “So, Giriraj, you will take charge?” I made such a face. I was not inclined to heavy management, and I just grimaced. Then Prabhupada looked toward me and said, “Now the entire responsibility is on you!” And he sat and laughed. And I thought, “How can he laugh? Doesn’t he know how I am suffering?” But he just looked at me and laughed. Of course, with my intelligence I knew that whatever Prabhupada said was perfect and that our perfection was to do whatever Prabhupada wanted. Still, it was difficult for my mind to accept.

And I really did suffer, especially for the first two years, from before we even got the land from Mr. Nair. I was suffering so much that I was just waiting for Prabhupada to come. I thought, “When Prabhupada comes, I will get relief.” But when he came, I didn’t feel relieved. The same anxiety was still there—the anxiety of Mr. Nair, the anxiety of the Municipality, the anxiety of dealing with devotees, the anxiety of just keeping the devotees in India—and I was surprised that there was no relief. I knew I was doing what Prabhupada wanted because he had told me to do it, and he said he wanted me to continue. So how is it that I was doing what he wanted and still was suffering so much? So I asked Tamal Krishna Goswami, and Tamal Krishna Goswami gave what to me was a profound answer. He said it’s like your room is on fire and the only way to get out of the room is to break the window with your hand. Breaking the glass is painful for the hand, but the hand has to do it for the sake of the body, and in the end the hand also benefits because it is part of the body. So I realized that by serving Srila Prabhupada and his mission, even though temporarily we may suffer, ultimately we gain because we are parts of Prabhupada and his mission, as we are parts and parcels of Krishna.

Later many of my godbrothers began to take sannyasa. I also thought of sannyasa but wasn’t really prepared to bring it up. Anyway, Gopal Krishna Maharaja encouraged me: “So many others are taking, you should also take.” So I said, “Yes,” but I did not really want to bring it up. Somehow I was afraid of Prabhupada’s response. Then Gopal Krishna Maharaja, without telling me, brought it up to Prabhupada, and Prabhupada called for me: “Gopal says you want to take sannyasa?” Gopal Krishna was my GBC and I didn’t want to contradict him. So I said, “Yes.” “Why?” I said, “Well, I want to preach.” Prabhupada replied, “You cannot preach as a brahmachari?” I said, “Yes, I can.” Then he said, “Are there any other reasons why you want to take sannyasa?” Within a flash of a moment my mind thought, “Well, I will get the mahā.” (laughter) But then I thought, “I can’t say that.” (laughter) Then I thought, “Devotees will offer obeisances to me.” But then I thought, “I can’t say that.” (laughter) So I just said, “No.” Prabhupada remained silent, and so I paid my obeisances and left for the city to preach.

In the evening when I came back, one of Prabhupada’s secretaries told me, “Boy! Prabhupada really didn’t appreciate your idea of taking sannyasa.” I said, “No?” He said, “Yes. Prabhupada said, ‘What does Giriraj think, that by taking sannyasa he will sprout four arms for preaching?’ And then,” the secretary told me, “Prabhupada said, ‘Giriraj can never leave Bombay.’” And then I understood, “This is Prabhupada’s desire, that I remain in Bombay,” and I accepted it. So Prabhupada liked us to stick to our service. And I have heard from other personal servants that Prabhupada became especially attached to some of their services.

Coming back to Prabhupada’s love and to what Hansadutta Prabhu said about how he wrote a letter to encourage one devotee, that even though he had his personal feelings about the devotee, when he was writing on behalf of Prabhupada, on Prabhupada’s instruction, he felt he had to represent Prabhupada’s spirit. And that was Prabhupada’s mood, to encourage the devotees. In fact, there is even a statement by Srila Prabhupada that the duty of the spiritual master is to encourage the disciples. And here I think of one or two incidents that took place in Bombay. One of the first devotees to join Srila Prabhupada in New York eventually went to Calcutta and somehow or other he got involved in smoking ganja. So the temple president from Calcutta phoned Srila Prabhupada in Bombay and informed him. Srila Prabhupada said to the temple president, “Tell him that if he doesn’t stop smoking ganja I will reject him.” Afterward Tamal Krishna Goswami asked Srila Prabhupada, “Is that true that you will reject him?” Srila Prabhupada said, “No.” Tamal Krishna Goswami also asked Srila Prabhupada, “But isn’t there some limit? Don’t you have to draw the line somewhere?” And Prabhupada replied, “Lord Nityananda’s mercy has no limit.”

So Srila Prabhupada is the embodiment of Lord Nityananda’s mercy and love. I thought it was so appropriate when Madan Mohan Prabhu led the kirtan for guru-puja and sang, namo mahā-vadānyāya kṛṣṇa-prema-pradāya te. Srila Prabhupada is the embodiment of that love and mercy, and although we can’t equal Srila Prabhupada—we can’t even equal a fraction of a speck of dust on his lotus feet—whatever we are—tiny, insignificant living entities who had the good fortune to meet Srila Prabhupada, either in person or through his instructions—we have the immense responsibility to try to reflect his qualities. And I believe the one quality that embodies all the other qualities is Srila Prabhupada’s love for all of us, out of his mercy.

Somehow, after all the nice words, I think of myself. So I ask you all for your mercy, that I can always stay in your association, in the association of all of Prabhupada’s followers and servants, and although I can never really reciprocate, at least I will do whatever I can to please him and to please all of you.

Hare Krishna!

Srila Prabhupada ki jaya!