Giriraj Swami’s Memories

Giriraj Swami: Srila Prabhupada had come for two weeks then. And Monday, Wednesday, Friday evening he would speak at the temple. And Sunday he would speak at the love feast. And Tuesday, Thursday, he would usually speak at one of the universities, then Saturday, at a university or some other public place. And one experience struck me related to the chanting. Of course when I first came, being experienced by the Hippie culture, I was looking for some special experience. So the first kirtan in the temple, the devotees had a mantra sign, and the letters were, they were English letters, but sort of had a Sanskrit flair to them. And because of my impersonal background, I would stare at the words, and the mantra sign during the kirtan and I would see that the letters would dissolve and the sign would grow and the letters would reform themselves, and then they would unform themselves. And I thought, Oh this is very potent, this is what I am looking for. And I bought a picture of Murlimanohar, a beautiful picture of Krishna, brijawasi print, maybe it was another one but from the temple, and I took it home to my apartment and I put it and I was chanting really intensely and it would like start to glow, and become silver. And I thought, Wow! This is really powerful! But then later, the devotees told me that Vishnujana Prabhu had told Prabhupada that while chanting, he would see different color. And Prabhupada had said, “Well, don’t worry, just keep chanting and they will go away.” So then I felt, Well, that maybe this isn’t really what we are supposed to be seeing or looking for. 

But I would say, by Prabhupada’s mercy, I did have a nice experience at Boston College. And it was a classroom and there was a dais for Srila Prabhupada at the front of the classroom, and then there was an open space between the lecturer and the students. And I remember we devotees at that program were sitting on the chairs in the front rows, although usually we would sit on the floor. And during the last kirtan, the devotees got up and they danced in a circle in front of Srila Prabhupada. And during the kirtan I just felt this love, this over powering love within me for everyone who was in the room. And then that sense of love expanded even beyond the walls of the room as if throughout the city, the countries, everywhere. And I never had any experience like it before. And at the end of the kirtan, it was just so overwhelmed that I went up to Srila Prabhupada. I never really just gone up to him like that. I did ask questions after the lectures and once I was left alone in the room with him. 

The first time when I came to drive him, he told all the devotees to get ready, and I was in the room and he made some little talk with me. I answered a few questions but that time without thinking, without any reservation, I just went up to him. And I said, “Srila Prabhupada, this chanting is wonderful.” And Srila Prabhupada, he looked at me and his eyes, that was one of the things the devotees told me that his eyes always had tears of love for Krishna, so his eyes are always laden with love. And he looked at me and he just smiled; huge smile. (Unintelligible 00:05:55) said his smile was oceanic, it was huge; his whole face would smile, and then he started to chuckle. And I knew it wasn’t like he thought something was funny, but it was like transcendental ecstasy. His body heaved a little and he was chuckling. And he just said, “Thank you very much.”

And one other incident where I, where I misunderstood Srila Prabhupada a little bit was one Saturday. There was a program at the Arlington Street Church, and that was earlier. Actually I hadn’t started to drive. Anyway I did drive that night. I came to all the programs. And so after the program, everyone walked out to the street, the steps of the church, and Prabhupada was next to me and he approached me and he said, “You are not this body.” (This is a very important point). “You are not this body.” And the reason I felt I misunderstood him was because of all the impersonal books. I had the idea that a guru, he doesn’t take any initiative, he just sits in the brahman and people come to him. So at the time, this is a little confession, at the time I thought it lessened his position that he had to approach to me like that. But then in retrospective, I can understand what mercy, and kindness, and compassion was involved in that. 

But Baradraj Prabhu was actually the first devotee to speak to me. Because after the program at Brandeis, one of the devotees, maybe Satsvarupa Maharaja, one of the devotees announced, “If anyone has a car and he is driving to Cambridge, or Boston, please see the devotees in the lobby, because we need a lift.” So I had my red Rambler Station Wagon, and so I went to the lobby and I met Baradraj and he was intoxicated. All the devotees were intoxicated by Prabhupada’s presence, by the holy name, but he was extraordinarily intoxicated. And he came up to me and he just started speaking. He was saying that in Bhagavad-gītā, Krishna showed his universal form to Arjuna, and it was more brilliant than thousands of suns, and Arjuna’s legs were trembling. And he was folding his hands and he said, “Krishna please, please return to your original two handed form.” And nectar was just flowing out of him and it sounded so exotic, and so amazing. And then when the devotees piled in the car eventually, and like Maharaja said, I don’t think we could have held any more devotees, but I was in the front, I was the driver and then there were two ladies in the front, maybe three or four in the back seat, and everyone else piled into the back. And that was the thing, I didn’t live in Cambridge or Boston. But I was going to go to the movies that night in Cambridge. So when he said Cambridge or Boston, “Oh I am going to Cambridge, I can do that. 

So my roommate, my best friend Garry Prince, he was in the back compartment with Maharaja. I am sorry we stuffed you in the back cubicle. And because of all the impersonal readings we were doing, my friend was saying that ultimately everything is void. And Satsvarupa was saying there is no void in creation of God; there is no void. And my friend kept saying everything is ultimately void. And I was in the front seat, and I guess I was puffed up. I guess this was a chance to make my confessions and beg apologies. So I was in the front seat. And I guess, I was a little puffed up. I thought, How silly that they are arguing over this. I thought I had it all figured out, so I turned around to the back and I said, and something I read in some Zen book, “it is not void, and it is not not void, but to give it a name, we call it the void.” So I thought that that tied it all up, but they still kept arguing; didn’t stop them. 

But in the front seat, there was one lady name Jahnava, who is married in that triple wedding to Nanda Kishore. So I was really trying to understand all these different paths, and philosophies, so I asked her about Zen. And she said that, “This world is like images on a screen, on a movie screen, but if you withdraw your consciousness from the screen there is a beam of light.” And I thought, This was the best explanation I have ever heard, even better than the Zen books. “And if you keep following the beam of light back, you come to a point.” And I thought, “Wow, this is like getting to the void.’ But she said that, “Behind that there is a projector, and behind the projector there is a person.” So I thought this philosophy encompasses everything that Zen or, I also asked her about yoga Nanda, and that was another one she just dismissed him, out of hand. “He is just a shopkeeper. You ask him for yoga he has that. Whatever you ask for, he has is in stock. And then she said that his ashram in California, he has a statue of Mahatma Gandhi that says something like “Worker for world peace.” He wasn’t a worker for world peace, he was a nationalist. He wanted to drive the British out of India. It was like, she just dismissed him.

So I thought, she is speaking with authority. And I knew it couldn’t be coming from her, it wasn’t possible for a young girl of twenty-two years or whatever to speak with such authority. But she had authority and she had knowledge, but I knew it wasn’t coming from her. And then I thought, This must be coming from her teacher. I want to meet her teacher. That was the first night, the first car ride, Baradraj Prabhu, you were there then. 

Baradraj Prabhu: I just remember I was in the car too. And when we came to some subway station, and most of the devotees were going to take the transport from the Harvard Square. It was a big, a big traffic congestion. And I think, you stopped at the red light, and all the devotees piled out and you were so deeply absorbed in the conversation, that you left the car right there in the middle of the traffic, just sitting there and you followed the devotees. And he kept talking, and discussing, and enquiring. And I was looking around to see if anyone was going to go back to that car. And he just left it sitting there. That was wonderful. That was extremely wonderful. 

And I do remember, and I think I may have said it before, but I do remember the time I think Satsvarupa wanted me dead. Maybe tell that story since you didn’t want to. But when you first came to the kirtan in the temple, and after the lecture you had stood up and you asked a question. What was the question; do you remember?

Giriraj Swami: That there are so many gurus, and swamis, and masters and each one says that his way is the best. How do I know which is actually the best?

Baradraj Prabhu:  Well, there was a question to which Prabhupada, instead of answering that question, Prabhupada said, “I see by your question that perhaps you think you are God.” And that was shocking because it was so direct and so intimate; that exchange between you and Srila Prabhupada was so unexpected and direct. And then you said very boldly and honestly, which was another amazing thing. You said, “Yes, I must admit, I was thinking like that.” And then, that was even more astounding that there was this kind of admission in front of Prabhupada, and suddenly the room went hush. And oh, what is going to happen next? And then to everyone’s surprised Prabhupada said, “That is alright.” He said, “You are god.” He said, “But you are not that God. You are the kind of god who is sometimes god and sometimes not.” And to that answer, Giriraj Maharaja completely prostrated himself in front of Srila Prabhupada, as though he had done it a thousand times. It was so natural, and so beautiful. And from that moment it was a great, wonderful relationship between you and Srila Prabhupada. It is very inspiring. 

Giriraj Swami: Adidasa, why don’t you tell us how you met Srila Prabhupada.