Death and Dying

Giriraj Swami: I’ll take up this topic from a devotee named Arca Vigraha devi dasi who like Mother Kirtida, she came to Krishna consciousness relatively late in life. She was probably in her early fifties and she was of European origin. She was quite a renowned artist in South Africa. I heard there was a book about South African artists and she had more space given to her in the book than anyone else. So she was diagnosed with cancer.

She used to travel to different places to get themes for her artwork. She would live with Bedouins in Northern African. She would just go to different places and live with different people and get themes for her artwork.

So when she met the devotees she had the idea to go to India and Nepal and she went with a few older (means more experienced, not older in age) devotees and when she was in Vrindavan she had the idea to get some land there and build a house and to make a studio there. So she built the house—two-story house—and she made a floor upstairs with independent access for me or my godbrothers.

Then when she came back to South Africa she was diagnosed with cancer. I suggested, “This is an arrangement for you to accelerate your spiritual life and you should make your base in Vrindavan-dhama.” Externally things sort of went the same as I will describe shortly, but internally there was a shift in her consciousness when she finally came to conclude that she would not be cured. Up until then she would occasionally go to Delhi, just try different alternatives, but at a certain stage she understood, the doctors told her, and she accepted that she is not going to get better. And then she really could devote herself fully to preparing for the time of death without any other consideration.

It just so happened that the plot of land that she took—I don’t know who bought which plot first—but it ended up being next to the plot that belonged to ISKCON UK. So Sivarama Swami oversaw the construction of a house there where he and Govinda Maharaja would stay most of the time. And then the plot behind there was bought by ISKCON Hong Kong, but it was never developed.

How did Mother Arca Vigraha spend her time? She was a very caring and giving person. So whenever devotees would come to her, she would always take time to hear them, counsel them. And the gurukula boys, they would come, she would give them art lessons and they would do kirtan for her. She undertook some art projects. She did some panels actually for Srila Prabhupada’s samadhi that were meant to be bar reliefs plated in brass. But anyway the samadhi couldn’t afford it. She did those. She also did a portrait of Krishnadasa Kaviraja Gosvami that’s in his bhajana-kutira at Radha-kunda and one of Jiva Gosvami that’s in his bhajana-kutira at Radha-kunda.

But otherwise devotees would come and read to her and chant with her. Bhurijana Prabhu took a liking to her or was especially merciful to her. So he would come every day without fail at four and speak with her and read to her. And other devotees. Govinda Maharaja was next door. So he would come every day. He would come in the morning and bring his Deities after he did his puja. He is really a very loving and caring person. So he would help out. If she was in a lot of pain and she was most of the time, but he would come and lighten the atmosphere, tell jokes.

She had heard as we’ve all heard as Sukumara mentioned, ante nārāyaṇa-smṛtiḥ, we should remember Lord Narayana at the time of death. So she asked Govinda Maharaja, “What does this mean to remember Krishna at the time of death?” And somehow he took the opportunity, made the decision and took the opportunity to explain in more detail what that means. Of course there is the name, the form, the qualities, and the pastimes with the devotees. They are hierarchical. It means the pastimes include the qualities, the form, and the names. It will come to the stage where the devotee is attracted to a particular form of the Lord, engage in particular type of pastimes. So Govinda Maharaja explained it. In our line coming from Chaitanya Mahaprabhu, the special focus is Radha and Krishna, but it really depends on the individual where his taste is or her taste is. But there is a chance that if someone comes to Krishna consciousness in the line of Srila Prabhupada, the line of Rupa Gosvami that there will be interest in Krishna in Vrindavan in general and perhaps Radha and Krishna in particular. She had that interest. I think it was because she had that eagerness that so many devotees would come and read to her. Tamal Krishna Goswami would come when he was in Vrindavan, Sivarama Swami would come, Govinda Maharaja was in and out every day—he would also read to her. When I was in Vrindavan. . . when it was clear that she was coming close to the end then I just stayed after Gaura-purnima in 1994. Just different devotees—Kesava Bharati Maharaja would come and read to her. Once in a while we would all come at once and do a dramatic reading from Lalita-mādhava or some drama of Rupa Gosvami, take different roles.

Then thinking of Krishna becomes more specific and more vivid. That prayer, “Please engage me in your service,” it can also become more specific. You become inclined to serve in a particular mood, in a particular way. And then being absorbed in those thoughts with that desire, it just becomes more vivid. It is not artificial, but it becomes more vivid and that point that it really has to be in our heart is really true because the mind is such, it is so flickering and unsteady. If we are not really attached to Krishna there is a chance that the mind could go anywhere at the time of death.

Haridasa Prabhu told the story of a devotee who was in Vrindavan at Kesi-gata and somehow he fell into the water and he was sinking. He was going down. He thought it was the end. He was going to drown. At the last minute he thought of a toothpaste commercial.

Ravindra Svarupa Prabhu: It was a bīja mantra.

Giriraj Swami: When you are on a very high level, like Ravindra Svarupa Prabhu, everything is Krishna. It is like Hare Krishna, it includes everything. He can’t forget Krishna even if he tries. So this is not for him. It reminded me of what Prabhupada wrote in The Nectar of Instruction.

Here’s the purport to that story. It is also in the purport to Text Eight:

“Since the mind may be one’s enemy or one’s friend, one has to train the mind to become his friend. The Krishna consciousness movement is especially meant for training the mind to be always engaged in Krishna’s business. The mind contains hundreds and thousands of impressions, not only of this life but also of many, many lives of the past. These impressions sometimes come in contact with one another and produce contradictory pictures. In this way the mind’s function can become dangerous for a conditioned soul. Students of psychology are aware of the mind’s various psychological changes. In the Bhagavad-gītā (8.6) it is said:

yaṁ yaṁ vāpi smaran bhāvaṁ

tyajaty ante kalevaram

taṁ tam evaiti kaunteya

sadā tad-bhāva-bhāvitaḥ

“Whatever state of being one remembers when he quits his body, that state he will attain without fail.”

At the time of death, the mind and intelligence of a living entity create the subtle form of a certain type of body for the next life. If the mind suddenly thinks of something not very congenial, one has to take a corresponding birth in the next life. On the other hand, if one can think of Krishna at the time of death, he can be transferred to the spiritual world, Goloka Vrindavan.”

It is true that at the time of death what’s in our heart will, our strongest attachment will probably be what we think of at the time of death. Maybe the thing about the toothpaste commercial was more like a fluke like Prabhupada mentioned.

I heard another story from a devotee who was driving and his car stalled on the train tracks. He saw in the distance a train was coming but he thought he could. . . he wanted to get the car started and he was fiddling with the ignition, trying to get the car started. He lost a little track of the time and then he looked up and he saw the train was bearing down on him. It was about to hit him.

So he just dropped everything and started to chant. The train hit the car and at the last minute he was shouting “Hare Krishna!” At the last minute he thought, What will happen to my wife? And then the train hit and he went out. He lived to tell the story but that was his last conscious thought. It was quite a sobering experience for him.

It is very serious business—mayy āsakta-manāḥ pārtha—in increasing our attachment for Krishna. We really have to work at it. These sixty-four-round days are wonderful. We need that kind of effort, sustained effort. But there is service. Service certainly counts like the prayer in the Īśopaniṣad at the end, “Please remember all that I have done for you.”

Once Tamal Krishna Goswami asked Srila Prabhupada, because he is really someone who gave himself fully to the service of the spiritual master, so once he asked Srila Prabhupada that, “I am so busily engaged in your service, what would happen if the time of death came and I was engaged in your service and I wasn’t thinking of Krishna.” Srila Prabhupada replied that, “Lord Chaitanya will forcibly enter your mind.” So that is there, our whole life and the mercy of the superior authorities, but part of our effort, part of service to the spiritual master, following the instructions of the spiritual master is first and foremost to follow the instruction to chant at least sixteen rounds daily, hear Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam, and all the things that Srila Prabhupada taught us.

I think I will read an account—I read it in New Vrindavan—it’s quite moving. This took place just after 9/11. People were really shaken by that. Everyone was shaken by it. I visited a town in California named Visalia where some devotees had invited me. They were facing a lot of questions from people whose faith in God was shaken by the whole incident. Their faith in God was shaken; they were shaken. So they wanted some advice on how to deal with such people who approached them. It just so happened that visiting me, she is originally from South Africa, but she is a financial analyst, and she had come for training to New York, and she was in the Merrill Lynch building which was right across from the World Trade Center. These are her realizations.

“Just before the incident took place, there were police sirens that were unrelated to the World Trade Center attack. We were in the auditorium and the lecturer was speaking. When I heard these sirens and I looked at my watch and it was 8:50 a.m. and I was thinking, I’m from South Africa where there is so much crime—hijackings, murders, robberies, rapes—we hear this sound all the time. I laughed because I was thinking that to the New Yorkers this must be something unusual because America is generally regarded as a safe place.”

“Within seconds after that thought we all heard a huge bang and the building we were in just shook, literally shook. At that stage I was thinking that it was an earthquake—something like that. Then the lecturer mentioned that, ‘This sounded exactly like the bombing of the World Trade Center in 1993.’ We were stunned but we still didn’t know what was happening. Then a few of our tutors ran into the auditorium and said that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center. We all thought it was an accident. We didn’t consider that it could have been a terrorist attack.

“So we went to the next classroom. Many of my colleagues went to the window and I also went. The World Trade Center was within our vision and flames were coming out of the building. The airplane was in the building already and it was just horrific. Many of my colleagues were hysterical. Many were crying. Personally I was just shocked. I was just stunned. When the flames were coming out of the building, I was thinking, There are so many people suffering in there. A year ago I had an accident with fire. I burned part of my feet when hot oil fell onto them. It was extremely painful. So I could only imagine what they were going through in the building.

“Then we saw people jumping out of the building. I remember one person in particular. He wore pants and a shirt, and tie, and his tie was flapping. It was really horrible. Actually many of those who had jumped out were trying to stay afloat. They were flapping their arms. I was thinking, Oh Krishna, please help them. We were witnessing this whole incident but we were completely helpless. We couldn’t help them or do anything.

“About fifteen minutes later I saw the second airplane and it was so deliberate. I was thinking this was evil. The second airplane flew around the corner and just entered the second building. Everyone screamed. Until then everybody thought it was an accident but when the second came we realized this is no accident. We were in next to the building and we were high up and I was thinking, I could die at any moment. There could be more planes around. I must start chanting. Now is the time. Now is the test. But I couldn’t chant. I was numb. I walked up and down the lecture room thinking, I have to chant but I couldn’t.

“Then was one colleague of mine named Patrick from Brazil. He was sitting down and praying. I really admired him. He had his hand on the table and his head on his hand and he was just saying prayers. And I was thinking it didn’t matter whether he was Jew or a Muslim or a Christian or whatever but he was praying.

“Then the building supervisor came and said, ‘I don’t know what’s happening but you are not safe up here. Better come down.’ At that stage we were on the twenty-second floor. Everybody, although they were in shock, was very orderly. No one panicked. Everyone kept their cool and we all walked down the stairs. When we got down there were people all over on the ground floor. Outside there were huge crowds everywhere. Everyone was dumbfounded and aimless. Then I took my chanting beads and sat on the floor and was just chanting. It felt good. Then one of my colleagues came up to me and said, ‘It’s really not safe here. We should really get out of here.’ He took me out. I was going to stay put and just chant. And outside was complete chaos. The buildings were in flames, police vehicles moving up and down. I couldn’t comprehend the disaster.”

“Anyway we were just walking down the street. Hoards of people were following. About five minutes later one of the towers came crashing down. We walked about forty blocks down and most of the people who were walking with us were very orderly. Then we walked down to our hotel. We were sitting in the bar in the lobby. There was a television so we watched, but we didn’t really know what had happened or who had done it. Everyone was stunned. Many of the people there were taking shelter of alcohol.

“Fifteen minutes later a person who works for Morgan Stanley in the South Tower of the World Trade Center, he had been on the sixty-third floor and had managed to escape. He was really shaking. He was around my age, around thirty. He said, ‘I was right in the building.’ Then he told his story. When the first tower was hit, most of the people in the South Tower started evacuating, but there was a message on the intercom that they should return to their desks. He said that there was no way he was going to stay. Something inside told him to just keep on going. When he was walking down the staircase he saw a fat lady and she was having a heart attack. There was another lady who was pregnant. I felt very upset and I asked him what happened to them. He said, ‘I don’t know. I just kept on going. Something inside said, “Keep on going.” I don’t know if they made it or not.’

“Actually New York after that was just not the same. We were staying in mid-Manhattan and it was 10:30 p.m. I was taking rest. All of a sudden we heard the hotel siren and the hotel people told us to evacuate.

“For me it was the last straw. I was thinking, What more? It was very intense. I was in my nightwear. I was thinking, This is too much. We had to walk down the stairs again and we were walking outside. I felt so alone. I felt really alone and I just had my beads and I was chanting. I was just chanting and crying a lot. At that stage I was thinking, It’s just Krishna. It’s just Krishna there. Srila Prabhupada used to say that you should chant as though you are a helpless child. It’s the first time I experienced that. I had only the holy names. I didn’t even have proper clothing. I didn’t have anything just my japa beads and the holy names.

“Then we walked down. All the people in the area were walking and many of them were crying. I think it was too much for everyone. I also had a few nightmares regarding the incident. In one week I had three nightmares but one nightmare in retrospect when I think of it taught me a lot. I don’t know where I was but there was a creature coming toward me trying to kill me. I was trying to defend myself as Draupadi initially did. I was throwing objects at the creature but it wasn’t working. The creature was coming toward me stronger and stronger. Then I stopped throwing things at it and just started screaming, “Krishna! Krishna!” And this creature stopped and laughed. He said, “You do not know Krishna,” and walked away. When I turned I saw my spiritual master standing next to me. Now when I think of it, it’s true, I do not know Krishna, but I have my spiritual master who knows Srila Prabhupada and Krishna.

“From the experience I learned a lot, to be more dependent on the Vaishnavas and to take shelter of the holy names. I chant so mechanically. This incident taught me to focus on the holy names and chant with feeling.”

This is verbatim from beginning to end. That was her conclusion.

This being conscious of our mortality, of the ever-present possibility of death, it is important. In the Kṛṣṇa book Srila Prabhupada writes that we should always be conscious of death. But at the same time there is a little, not a paradox exactly, there is an ancient book of an Indian wisdom called Hitopadeśa, and Hitopadeśa says that when it comes to moksha you should feel that you could die at any moment. When it comes to artha you should feel that you’ll live forever.

Because we are engaged, we are not just bhajanānandīs—bhajanānandīs is also a big thing—but we are not in the line of bhajanānandīs. We are in Srila Prabhupada’s line which is a line of goṣṭhyānandīs. So we have a preaching mission. Srila Prabhupada had a preaching mission. When it comes to the mission, we have to think of the future because it is not ordinary work. This is a divine mission. So we want to act in such a way that the mission will continue, the mission is strong, and the mission will continue. But when it comes to ourselves personally, we should be aware that death could come at any moment and we should chant and do whatever it is as if it is our last day other than the service to the mission.

I know of devotees who made mistakes because they were in that apocalyptic mood. Even the one you mentioned earlier, he who had asked Srila Prabhupada, and he bought huge land outside of Los Angeles in a place called Three Rivers, a beautiful property. He had all the householders move there and established a school there. It was a really big community. So the arrangement was that they would pay a little money every year and then after a certain number of years there would be a big payment like a balloon payment. If they didn’t make the balloon payment they would lose everything. So he was thinking, By then the world war is going to take place and money is going to have no value; the whole situation is going to be different. We don’t even have to worry about it. So the world war never came. The balloon payment was due. He didn’t have the money. He lost the property and all these devotees who had gotten up and moved there, moved there with their families. Everything changed.

Even more recently—we laugh at it, sometimes the jokes on us—in Phoenix, maybe it was Tucson. I am going to throw out a few choices so it will be harder to connect it to the person. Maybe it was Denver [laughter], one of those places. The temple had some very useful properties across the street from the temple where devotees could stay. This was heading into the year 2000. There was the Y2K scare. So somehow the leader there, he had the idea, “Y2K is coming. Everything was going to fall apart. Nothing is going to have any value.” So he sold those properties. He didn’t sell the temple but he sold the apartment buildings.

Y2K came and nothing much happened. The irony was now they had to rent apartments from the person they sold the building to and they had to pay more in rent than they were paying in the mortgage payments. It was a fiasco because of this mentality.

When it comes to the mission, we shouldn’t have that mentality like, “It’s all going to be over. At any moment it’s all going to be over.” When it comes to the mission we should think of the future.

Mother Arca Vigraha herself, she had that thought that as she had the facility to be in Vrindavan and the wonderful atmosphere of Vrindavan and give up her body there and have devotees read to her and chant with her, so she wanted others also to have the same facility. It was out of her desire, out of that thought that we took up the hospice project.

Many probably know of a devotee named Madhava who sings kirtan. He is from Mauritius. He can sing the same melody for hours. He never gets tired. Just very slow and mellow. He speeds up a little and then he goes back and resumes. From what I have heard he just closes his eyes and he just sings. It is very powerful. I have the CD from the twenty-four-hour kirtan in New Vrindavan last year. I listen to his kirtan all the time. Bhakti Bhrnga Govinda Maharaja asked him, “You just sit there with your eyes closed for hours singing and it is so touching to the heart. What do you think about while you are singing?” He replied, “I am thinking that each mantra that I sing could be my last.” So just think if you thought, This is the last mantra I am ever going to say, what intensity you would put into it, what feeling, and that’s his mood.

This is a little different but Bhakta Carl Herzig, Tamal Krishna Goswami’s brother, he told me that whenever any of the family members leave the house, whoever is leaving says to the others, “I love you.” And they all say to the person, “I love you,” because they never know if the person is going to come back alive. They never know if they’ll see each other again. So they want the last memory of the person to be favorable.

What I am leading up to is that with Krishna and the holy name we really don’t know. . . there is going to be one last mantra in this body. Some people are fortunate in the sense they know that they have so long to live and death is coming and they are preparing and giving up attachments because what is the use. They are going to be leaving it all behind anyway. But you don’t know. So if we have that thought, I don’t know if I’ll chant again, I don’t know if I’ll see the Deities again, I don’t know if I’ll see this godbrother or godsister or Vaishnava again, then that consciousness will certainly bring out our heartfelt appreciation for them and that will certainly help our Krishna consciousness.