Perfect Master

Giriraj Swami: It has been a great desire of me to visit Kazakhstan and see and experience in person the great love and devotion of the devotees here. One year, His Holiness Bhakti Bringa Govinda Swami Maharaja came to visit me in California, and while he was doing his puja, he was playing a recording of the kirtans at the festival here, and I was very much drawn into the kirtan, the beauty of the kirtan, and I asked him where it was from and he told me. So, from then, I had the idea that Kazakhstan is overflowing with the nectarean kirtan of some of the best kirtan leaders and preachers in the movement.

Devotees: Haribol! [applause]

Giriraj Swami: And I thought, What could I add to this? I have nothing to add. I have come to experience that nectar, and I am already experiencing it. [applause] And this is all the mercy of Srila Prabhupada and the Pancha-tattva. Srila Prabhupada had so much faith in the process of Krishna consciousness, that anyone who took to the process, no matter what nationality or ethnic background; man, woman, it didn’t matter, everyone was a spirit soul, and everyone had the potential to love Krishna and serve Krishna in the spiritual world. And as I was singing the Vande ham prayers, maṅgala-ācaraṇa prayers and thinking of our gurus, Vaishnavas, the Six Gosvamis, Lord Chaitanya and His associates, Radha and Krishna and Their associates, I thought, Srila Prabhupada knew that if people just took to the process of Krishna consciousness, they would come in touch with that energy, with that mercy, with those exalted personalities. And it is true, it is happening, and we are experiencing it. And this is our innate, inherent, constitutional positions, we are all eternal servants of Krishna. And these different bodies and even minds are just different dresses that we put on for some time and discard. But our true nature, our permanent identities is we are servants of Krishna, and of the other servants of Krishna.

Before I sat down here, Srila Govinda Maharaja told me that tonight we can go a little later because it is a national holiday, Constitution Day, and I thought, How appropriate that today is the first full day of the festival, because people should know what is their constitution. [applause] Our real constitution is that we are eternal servants of Krishna and of Krishna’s devotees. And we are beginning to act in our constitutional positions here by the great mercy and efforts of His Divine Grace Srila Prabhupada. In my own case, I am just one example from one country at one period of history, but in my own case, I was searching for spiritual knowledge, and by reading different books, I come to understand that for me to actually achieve spiritual realization, I needed a guru. So, then my quest became how to find my guru. And at the time, many Swamis and yogis from India were coming to America. And whenever I heard that there was one, I would go to meet him. And the university I was attending outside Boston invited many there.

So, one weekend, I heard that there was an enlightened Zen master giving a three-day retreat at his ashram in upstate New York. He had studied under a Zen master in Japan, and was certified as an enlightened Zen master by his certified enlightened Zen master. And he had written a popular book. So, I went and he taught us some of the beginning techniques of Zen. We all had to sit cross-legged with our backs very straight, looking at the wall, and we were given some maybe riddle to think about. One of the famous riddles or koans in Zen is, “What is the sound of one hand clapping?” After the Rāmāyaṇa performance, we were all so happy and enlivened, we were clapping. [applause] Haribol! Haribol! Haribol! So, we all know the sound of a two hands clap. So, this is a riddle, “What is the sound of one hand clapping?” So, we cannot get the answer to that question with our material minds. So, the idea of Zen, in many of the impersonal practices, is to let go of the mind, go beyond the mind, or still the mind, somehow transcend the mind.

So, we were sitting, looking at the wall, and the Zen master had a stick, and he would walk around the room, and if he saw anyone was slouching or his eyes were wandering, he would hit him on the shoulder from behind with the stick. So, it was quite austere. But I was seeking, I thought, Whatever it takes, I don’t mind. So then, there was a break for lunch, and some of the students were sitting at the same table with the master, and he was apologizing for having lost his temper earlier. So, I thought, Is this my perfect master? But then I’d read in the books that the enlightened souls in Zen appear ordinary. So, I thought maybe this is part of it. Another thing that struck me was that the students didn’t seem very happy. I thought, Is this the perfect process? But then I thought, Well, they are just the students, maybe they haven’t come to that level yet. So, by the end, I wasn’t sure, I felt I had to keep looking. And then, about a month later, the same Zen master was invited to speak at MIT near Boston. And again, I saw him. And after his talk, a lady in the audience asked him about Vedanta, and he said, “I have enough trouble keeping up with Zen, don’t ask me about Vedanta.” So, I thought, He is not my perfect master.

Then, a famous hatha-yogi came to my university, and he was the picture of Indian spirituality. He had flowing orange robes and long hair and beard, his eyes twinkled, and he had a blissful smile and he was often giggling. So, he gave a talk about hatha-yoga, and how by hatha-yoga, you can gain control over your muscles in your internal organs. And he said, “You can actually command your intestines; ascending colon advance.” That is a little hard. You know intestine? So, it is like this. There is the ascending colon, and there is the transverse colon, and then the descending colon, it comes out. So, the hatha-yogi was saying that you can command ascending colon advance, transverse colon advance, descending colon advance, and then you command the rectum, “release.” [laughter] Well, it sounded pretty interesting. [laughter] Again, I wasn’t sure. [laughter] So, I thought I would accompany the hatha-yogi to the airport, because from the lecture he was going to the airport to fly back to New York. So, I asked if I could ride with him, they said his car was full but I could ride with some of his disciples in another car. So, I was with the students. And the main topic of discussion on the way was all the different food they missed since they had come to the ashram, and at the top of the list was pizza, which I like, but I thought after getting what the master has to give, they are lamenting the loss of pizza. I was thinking, “Doesn’t sound so good.” But then I thought, Well, they are just students. So, we arrived at the airport, and there was the Swami, and he was embracing his students and admirers before getting on the airplane, and he gave a very long, warm embrace to a youngish female. So I thought, He is not my perfect master.

Then, another one came to Brandeis, to my university. And I had read some of his books, the room was packed, you could hardly fit in. He had been invited by one of my psychology professors who had been to India. So, I didn’t even have a chance to ask a question or anything. So, between the morning session and evening session, there was a lunch break. So, I asked my professor that I want to meet the speaker. He said, “Why?” I said, “Well, I may want to ask him to be my guru.” He said, “Oh, he doesn’t accept disciples, he doesn’t even touch money.” So, I thought, If he has knowledge, if he is in a position to help people by becoming their teacher, and if he refuses to accept that service for the sake of some sort of renunciation, he is not my perfect master. So then, I heard that there was a professor at Antioch College in Ohio, who was supposed to be an enlightened master. So, I waited until my last class was over before the weekend, and then I drove, I guess about eight hours, to get to the university. So, I reached in the morning, and with great eagerness, I went up to his office and I met his secretary. I said, “I want to meet professor so-and-so.” She said, “Well, you can’t meet him now.” “Why?” “Because he is out playing golf.” I said, “He is out playing golf?” She said, “Yes, that is his Zen.” So, I thought, He is not my perfect master.

So, I was losing hope. And I had read that you don’t actually choose your guru, but your guru is already there, you just have to find him. And I even had a vague mental impression of what my guru looked like, and he didn’t have hair, and all the other swamis and yogis I had seen from India had long hair. So, I didn’t know what to do. Anyway, I returned to the campus, and in time, I saw posters on the campus, and the posters said, “Lecture on Bhagavad-gītā As It Is, Swami A.C. Bhaktivedanta.” So, I was losing hope, but I made note of the lecture. So, on the night of the lecture, I had some friends over to my apartment. I was already vegetarian by then, so we had pasta and soup and we had a little salad, a little vegetarian meal, and then we were going to go to a movie. But somehow, that poster came in my mind, and something in my heart was urging me to go to the lecture.

So, I told my friends, “There is a lecture on campus on Bhagavad-gītā. So, let us go to the lecture, and we can see the movie some other time.” So, they really got upset, and I didn’t want to displease them. I tried to go along with what they wanted to do, but something in my heart kept pushing me. We were almost out the door, ready to go to the movie, but I was overwhelmed by this force within my heart, and I said, “All right, well, why don’t we go to the lecture, and then, after the lecture, we can go to the late show of the movie?” They were very upset, especially one lady friend. And I didn’t want to displease them, but at the same time, I couldn’t not go to the lecture. So, my girlfriend said, “Why can’t you be like other people? Why do you have to go running after all these Swamis and yogis all the time?” And I was so desperate, I said, “All right, this will be the last Swami I ever go to.” [applause] So I went, but with all the fighting, quarreling, arguing, we came in the middle of kirtan, and it turned out it was the last kirtan. And Satsvarupa was leading the kirtan, very powerful. And the Swami was on the stage, and I tried to look at him, and I actually found it hard to focus on him because there was some light, some effulgence coming from him.

But anyway, the devotees were dancing in a circle on the stage, and one by one, the students in the audience were jumping up and climbing on the stage and joining the chanting and dancing on stage. And I also was captivated by the kirtan. So, I stood up, and then I looked at my friends on both sides, I thought, It will just be too much. So, I decided I will just stand in front of my seat. And then, after the kirtan ended, one of the devotees asked if anyone in the audience had a motor vehicle, because the devotees didn’t have one then, who was going either to Harvard Square or to Boston. So, the movie was at Harvard Square. [laughter] So they said if anyone can give the devotees a ride, they should see the devotees in the lobby. So, I went to the lobby, and the first devotee I met was named Baradraja. Now, I thought of Baradraja Prabhu on my way to Kazakhstan because he was actually either born in this region, or came here at a young age. Yes, his parents had been in Poland, and there was persecutions, so they migrated to Tashkent, and he was born there. But anyway, eventually, I guess his parents came to America, or somehow, he came to America, and he was there in Boston. So, I approached him, and he was in a very, very high state of consciousness, and he just started talking about Krishna and the Bhagavad-gītā, that in the Bhagavad-gītā, Krishna showed Arjuna His universal form, and He was more brilliant than millions of suns, and Arjuna’s limbs were trembling, and he asked Krishna, “Please, I cannot bear this vision, please show me your original form.” Talking about Krishna, the Bhagavad-gītā and the universal form, and I thought, He is really high.

So, I told him, “I have a station wagon, and I am going to Harvard Square, I can take the devotees with me.” So, they all packed into the car, and I was in the front driving, and there was that lady, and then there was a lady devotee named Jahnava and then there were three or four in the back seat, and then, devotees also fit in the rear compartment. [laughter] No, like SUV. [laughter] It had windows, it had a door at the back. So, I was sitting in the front, driving, and my best friend at the time named Gary was talking about the void, and Satsvarupa was saying, “There is no void in the creation of God.” And they were going back and forth. And I was sitting in the front, hearing it all, and I thought, I have the solution. So, I turned around and I quoted something I had read in Zen books, that it is not void, but it is not not void, but to give it a name, we call it the void. Well, that wise statement had no effect, they kept arguing. [laughter] So, I thought, “All right, let me speak to the devotee here.” So, I asked Jahnava first about Zen, and she said, “This material world is like images on a screen, but if we draw our consciousness back from the screen, we will see that there is no reality to the images, but the images are coming from a beam of light, and if you follow the beam of light back, it comes to a point, and that is the void. But behind that point is a whole machine, a projector, and behind the projector is a person who is making the projector work.” I thought, Oh my God, she is given a better explanation of Zen than any Zen master. And she has gone further. So I thought, This is very special.

So, then I asked about Yogananda because I had read his book Autobiography of a Yogi. She said, “Oh, Yogananda, he is just a shopkeeper. If you go to his center, he keeps everything in stock. If you want Shiva, he gives you Shiva. If you want Durga, he gives you Durga. Whatever you want, he has it there. And he has a statue of Mahatma Gandhi. Under the statue it says “Worker for World Peace.” He wasn’t a worker for world peace; he was working for India’s political independence. He doesn’t even know who Mahatma Gandhi is.” So I thought, Wow, she is really powerful. But she was just a young girl, maybe twenty-two years old, and I knew that this power wasn’t just coming from her, she was getting this power from someone greater than her. I imagined it was her guru, and I wanted to meet him. So, meanwhile, we had reached Harvard Square and I let them out of the car, and then I realized I didn’t have the address or phone number of the temple, and I wouldn’t know how to find them again. So, I stopped the car on the side of the road and I jumped out. I was running after the devotees, and one devotee was a little behind the other, named Patita Pavan. So I caught up to him, he was also in a very spiritual state, and he waved his hand at the people at Harvard Square, he said, “Just see all these people, they are like sleepwalkers, they don’t know who they are or where they are going, they are just like sleepwalkers.” I was so fascinated by what he was saying. But then, suddenly, the loud honking of car horns penetrated my consciousness, and I looked, and I saw, “Oh my God, all the traffic at Harvard Square is stopped because I left my car.” So, I said, “Quick, quick, quick, give me the address.” So, I got the address.

So, the next night, I went, Srila Prabhupada gave a talk, he had a very thick Indian accent, and the subject itself was different, and I couldn’t understand much of what he said. But at one point, he quoted the verse: manuṣyāṇāṁ sahasreṣu kaścid yatati siddhaye, and he said, “Out of many thousands of men, only one will seek perfection.” And I thought, That is me. [laughter] [applause] He is talking about me. [laughter] So, I was very intrigued. And at the end of the lecture, he asked for questions. And so I asked the question that was burning within me, I said, “There are so many swamis and yogis and masters, and each one recommends a different method of self-realization, and each one says that his method is best. So, how do I know which is best?” So, Srila Prabhupada asked me a question, he was very intelligent, “What is your goal?” Because you will choose the method that is suitable for achieving your goal.

I was silent, he said, “Do you want to serve God, or do you want to become God?” And up until then, everyone I had met was impersonalist. So, he said, “If you want to become God, it means you are not God now. So, how can ‘not God’ become God?” And he said, “God is God. He doesn’t have to become God by yoga or meditate; He is always God.” And then he said, “Krishna is God when He is playing on the lap of Yasoda, He is God when He is speaking the Bhagavad-gītā to Arjuna, He is always God, He doesn’t have to become God.” And then he said, “If you want to serve God, God will help you. If you sow the seed, plant the seed of service to God and water it by chanting, God will give the air and sunlight and everything to make it grow, He will help you. But if you want to become God, you are only cheating yourself. If you want to serve God, God will help you. But if you want to become God, why should God help the competition?” [laughter] He said, “You can become godly, but you cannot become God.” Then he said, “So, what do you think? You want to become God, or you want to serve God?”

While Srila Prabhupada was speaking, I got the sense that he was seeing straight through me, through the walls of the temple, down the road that led to my apartment, into my apartment, into my bathroom, to the wall of my bathroom where I had written a sign with my own hand, in very fancy letters, with different colors, “YOU ARE GOD.” [laughter] [applause] So, I thought he is seeing right through me, he is seeing into my apartment, he knows everything about me. So, when he asked, “So, what do you think? You want to serve God, or you want to become God?” I wanted to say, “I want to serve God.” [laughter] But I knew I couldn’t cheat him. [laughter] So, I began, “I want to serve God,” but I realized, actually, I wanted to become God. [laughter] And Srila Prabhupada said, “Yes.” [laughter] And then I knew I had found my perfect master. [applause] So, I surrendered, I put my head on the ground in obeisances, and I kept my head down for a long time. I had accepted him as my perfect master and surrendered.

But after a while, I was also afraid to lift my head up because I felt that I had been exposed in front of all the other people in the audience. I thought if I lift my head up, everyone is going to be looking at me, “Oh, he wanted to become God.” [laughter] But then, while my head was down, I heard sounds that indicated that prasāda was being distributed. So, I thought, Well, I can’t keep my head down forever. [laughter] So, maybe now is the time to get up. So, I very slowly got up sort of looking to see what the mood of the people, I saw everyone was in a very happy mood, they were all smiling and talking. And as I got up, they started to look at me, but they were smiling. So I thought, I guess it is okay.” [laughter] And then I saw there is this plate of prasāda, and I had the prasāda, and that was also another experience. I never had such tastes; it is like the different tastes were exploding in my mouth. Now I know, or I believe, one item, it was crispy on the outside and soft on the inside, my teeth crunched through it and these tastes were exploding in my mouth. I think that was my first pakora. [laughter] And so many wonderful rice and vegetables and, I think, kofta balls, and just so many wonderful. . . Yes, and I think baratas we used to call them; what a feast. [applause] And then the sweets, there was one juicy ball, and my teeth cut into the ball, and all this sweet juice came out, and it was chewy and liquid at the same time. And I thought, Wow, this is a totally different experience. So, then I was convinced that everything about Krishna consciousness was perfect; the guru, Srila Prabhupada, the process, chanting Hare Krishna, and the philosophy, and the food, everything was perfect.

So, I will just add a little. [laughter] [applause] So, every night, Srila Prabhupada would speak; Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at the temple, and Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday outside, usually at a university. And Sunday was the Sunday love feast. So, after some days, the devotees saw I was coming, and I had my car. [laughter] And they said that they don’t have a car for Srila Prabhupada, could I come early and drive Prabhupada to the program. [applause] I said, “Yes.” So, the next night I came early, and they said he is staying in an apartment across the street from the temple. So, I went, and he was just sitting there with the devotees, it was a very loving atmosphere, like a father with his children, filled with love. And then eventually, he told the devotees to get ready for the program, and he got in the car, and we also fit as many other devotees as we could in the car.

The program was at the Harvard University Divinity School, and Harvard University is the most prestigious university in America. And the students there were very smart, and they also thought they were smart. So, after Srila Prabhupada’s talk, he asked for questions. So, one bright, young man raised his hand and he said, “You talk about chanting, that everything can be done by chanting, but we need social change, we need revolution, like in Russia.” He said, “In the 19th century in Russia, there were people who would go all over the countryside chanting the names of God or Jesus, but it didn’t bring about any change. But when there was the Bolshevik revolution, that made change.” Srila Prabhupada said, “So, the people in Russia now, they are happy?” He said, “No, they are not happy.” “Then what was the use of this revolution?” And he said, “Even if it is better for some time, again, it will get worse. The only permanent solution is Krishna consciousness.”

So, one after the other, Srila Prabhupada defeated all the challenges. One young man said, “You talk about repeating ‘Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna,’ but couldn’t you get the same effect just by, for example, counting; one, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three?” Srila Prabhupada said, “Well, you can try counting, and when you are tired of counting, you can try chanting.” [laughter] So, one after the other, he was just defeating all the challenges. Then, one student asked, “Have you seen God?” And Srila Prabhupada replied, “If I say falsely that yes, I have seen God, will you believe me?” The boy said, “No.” And Prabhupada said, “Then what is the use of asking this question?” [laughter] So, the program ended, and the students, they were awestruck. And I was just wandering around the students, listening to what they were saying, then suddenly, one of the devotees came rushing up to me and affectionately imitating Prabhupada’s voice he said, “So, where is the driver?” [laughter] Then I realized, “Oh my God, I have to drive Srila Prabhupada, I have to run.”

So, we all got in the car, but by now it was dark, and I didn’t really know the way back, but I had a general idea. So, I went straight, then I turned right, I turned left thinking I am going in the general direction, but I was getting the sinking feeling that we were getting lost. And finally, I had to admit to the devotees, “I don’t know where we are now, and I don’t know the way back. Does anyone know the way back?” No one knew. Then Srila Prabhupada said, “Is not the driver supposed to know the way?” [laughter] I didn’t know I was the driver. [laughter] [applause] I was just trying to be a good guy and give the devotees a lift. I realized Prabhupada had a different idea, he took it as a responsibility. Anyway, we all tried to come up with different ideas, and eventually, we found our way back to the temple. And Prabhupada was in the front seat, so I jumped out and ran around to open the door, and I actually felt very bad that I had gotten us lost. So I said to Srila Prabhupada, “I am sorry that I got us lost.” And he looked at me with great love and compassion and he smiled and he said, “That is all right.” And I was very impressed because I saw that even though he had perfect knowledge and he could defeat any challenge in a moment, but he was also compassionate, and if someone was trying to serve but made a mistake, he could overlook it and take the good, that he is trying to serve.

So like this, days passed. And then one day, the devotees were getting all excited and packing the vehicles, and I said, “What is happening?” And they said, “Srila Prabhupada is leaving.” From the time I had first met the devotees, Srila Prabhupada had been in Boston, I didn’t know that he would ever leave. He said, “Yes, Prabhupada has several centers, and he travels from one to the other. So, we are all going to the airport, would you like to come with us?” So, we went, and at the airport, I saw everyone was crying. So, I asked one lady devotee Arundhati, “Why are all the devotees crying?” And then she replied, “Srila Prabhupada said that on the absolute platform, meeting and separation are the same, both are occasions of ecstasy.” So I thought, This answer is perfect. But still, I had a doubt whether it is actually practical, or whether it is just true in theory. So I was thinking, Yes, everything about Krishna consciousness is perfect, but this may be the one fault, the one defect, that the spiritual master has to leave.

So then, Prabhupada went on the airplane and the devotees were just waiting in the departure lounge. So, I asked, “What is happening?” And they said that Srila Prabhupada had said that when the spiritual master leaves, the disciples should stay and look at the plane until it disappears in the sky, just like the gopīs stood still and watched Krishna’s chariot when He left Vrindavan until it disappeared. So everyone waited, and then we came back. So, we continued with all the same activities in the temple, but that question remained, that maybe this is the defect that the spiritual master has to leave. So, one day we were chanting hari-nāma-saṅkīrtana in front of the Copley Square Subway Station, and suddenly, I just felt Srila Prabhupada’s presence. It was so real, so palpable, and I started to cry, and I thought, It is true, on the absolute platform, meeting and separation are the same, both are occasions of ecstasy. And I thought, Yes, everything about Krishna consciousness is perfect.

So, during my seven years with Srila Prabhupada in India, my greatest happiness and my greatest purpose was to bring people to meet him. And after he left, I thought, Well, what will I do now? But from this incident and from many other incidents, I understood that even now, I can introduce people to Srila Prabhupada, and that he will accept them and encourage them and guide them as he always did. And so, I am happy to continue in the same way. But of course, unless one is in a very elevated status of consciousness, one also needs the practical guidance of Srila Prabhupada’s servants and representatives, and Srila Prabhupada sends his representatives to help us; Bhakti Bringa Govinda Swami, Bhaktividyā Pūrṇa Swami, His Holiness Niranjana Swami, His Holiness Sivarama Swami, His Holiness Indradyumna Swami, Chaitanya Chandra Prabhu; so many, and we need that. There is a very important verse in Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam, naṣṭa-prāyeṣv abhadreṣu nityaṁ bhāgavata-sevayā. The idea is that by reading the book Bhāgavata, or by serving the person bhāgavata, one gets the same result. So, once a disciple asked Srila Prabhupada, “We have the two Bhāgavatas; the book Bhāgavata and the person bhāgavata. Is one better than the other?” And Srila Prabhupada said, “The person bhāgavata is better because he can catch you by the ear.” [laughter] [applause] So, we need that too. And therefore, Srila Prabhupada sends his servants, his representatives, to catch us by the ear, slap us on the back, pat us on the head, whatever we need in that very personal reciprocation.

So, I agree with what Srila Govinda Swami Maharaja said, that the presence of so many senior devotees in the Yatra is a sure sign that Srila Prabhupada is pleased with you, and that he wants to give more mercy to you by sending these devotees on his behalf to encourage you, train you, guide you, chastise you, congratulate you, and be with you. So, I look forward to spending many more hours, days, hours, and days with you, and just speaking about Srila Prabhupada with you and joining the kirtans I hope. And yes, there must be more dramas. So, everything, the full festival of Krishna consciousness. [applause] So, now, although it is about nine o’clock, because it is the auspicious day of constitution day, we will act in our constitutional positions and sing the glories of the Lord. Hare Krishna. [applause]

Devotee: His Holiness Giriraj Swami Maharaja ki jaya! [applause]