Vrindavan Yatra—Kartika Yatra Concluding Talks

Giriraj Swami: As always, it is a great honor, and a privilege, and a pleasure to be with all of you, especially in the presence of His Holiness Radhanath Swami Maharaja and so many exalted devotees.

Yesterday I mentioned in brief, Srila Prabhupada’s desire to come to Govardhana, just days before he left this world, and how it was not possible for him to come physically at that time. But then some days later, we took him on a parikramā, small deity. After he left, of course, so many these beautiful life-sized deities were made, but I didn’t even know there were little deities then. And previously, after being stationed in Bombay, in Juhu, I never came to Vrindavan. We had so many enemies, and there were so many complications to deal with, I felt, I can’t leave because anything could have happened in those days. Even if I was gone for a day, anything could have happened. But so many devotees were going to Vrindavan and I was feeling, What about me? I am just going to be in Juhu all the time? And then I thought, Maybe I am just imagining it, maybe I am exaggerating my own importance, thinking that if I leave for a day, or two, or three, something terrible could happen. 

So, I decided, “Okay, I will go to Vrindavan.” So I took a train, I had planned to stay for four days. And when I arrived, I passed by Srila Prabhupada’s house. And later, maybe fifteen minutes later, one of Prabhupada’s servants came to me and said, Srila Prabhupada had noticed me passing by his window, and he said, “What is Giriraj doing here? [laughter] He can never leave Bombay. Three days at the most and then he must go back.” But I was so mortified, I rebooked my train ticket, and went back after two days. So I really had very little exposure to Vrindavan. I really, hardly knew anything about Vrindavan, except a little from the books. So when Prabhupada left, and the devotees took him on parikramā to Govardhana Hill, I had very little idea of Govardhana Hill, I didn’t know what any of the places were and then at the end, we came to Radha-kunda. And the devotees put that small deity of Srila Prabhupada on the sangum, that dividing strip, between Radha-kunda and Shyama-kunda, and had kirtan. And somehow during that kirtan, I guess you could say, Prabhupada just manifested himself as a deity, or he revealed that there was absolutely no difference between the deity and him. And that was a very significant revelation, because we were in such a mood of separation, you can imagine, and yes, he is there.

One time before that, before we had Juhu or anything, just in the very early days of Prabhupada and the devotees in India, Srila Prabhupada asked Guru dasa Prabhu to come to Vrindavan to look into getting a property. And so, Yamuna devi was the next in charge of the small party in Delhi, and I was there, and Gopala, a devotee named Gopala, and Bhakta Bruce, who is now His Holiness Bhanu Swami. And we were not getting any news from Guru dasa, it was impossible to get through to him, and he said he will be back in two days. So, Yamuna devi decided, “Okay, we will all go to Vrindavan and find him.” So we found him and he tried to explain to us what happened. And he said, when he arrived in Vrindavan, he met some people, and told them that he was there on some business. Prabhupada wanted him to look into the property at Keshi Ghat, see if we could get it for ISKCON and he was going to go back to Delhi in two days. And they all smiled, and said, “Let us see, let us see.” And Guru dasa said, “Vrindavan is a very special place. You may come here with your ideas about how long you want to stay and what you want to do, but Vrindavan is a very special place, and Vrindavan can overrule your plans very easily.”

So, I was in the mood of roaming, and so I roamed about, and it got late and eventually, I couldn’t find my way back. All the little lanes looked the same, all the architecture was the same, there were temples everywhere. I was just totally lost; I did not know what to do. And it was getting darker and darker, and I thought, Well! So I saw there was a temple with very big steps leading up to it, and a plinth going around it, and there were some sadhus lying down. So I thought, Okay, I will do that.” I just lay down on the steps and I took rest. And in the morning I woke up and eventually, I found my way back to the devotees. So, when we got back to Bombay, we met Srila Prabhupada, and he asked what happened. And I said, “Nothing really came through with the property but when I was in Vrindavan, I really felt the presence of Krishna. I could feel Krishna, and Balarama, and the cows just passing by.” And Prabhupada said, “Yes, you can feel the presence of Krishna. At the present stage, you cannot see Krishna, but you can feel the presence of Krishna in the Vrindavan.”

So he said, “It doesn’t matter that nothing came through with the property, there is no loss because you got to experience a little bit of Vrindavan.” And then some months later, maybe a year later, I was in Calcutta, based in Calcutta. I became quite sick, and I was staying with a life member and friend, C.L. Bajoria, and Janmashtami came. I was just very weak and had a very bad case of jaundice. And I thought, It is Janmashtami, what am I going to do? I will just chant Hare Krishna; I will just chant japa. I just spent the whole day chanting japa and as the day wore on and I was chanting, chanting, chanting, I started to feel the same way I felt when I was in Vrindavan. And I was getting forty rounds, fifty rounds; it wasn’t my idea to chance sixty-four but it ended up something like that. And then I realized, Oh, you don’t have to physically be in Vrindavan to have that experience. You can have that experience anywhere, by chanting the holy names or by being fully absorbed in Krishna, wherever you are. So, those were some preliminary experiences, and now coming to the mood of love. We heard this word ‘love’ a lot here. And as Bhurijana Prabhu said, Radhanath Swami is an expert teacher, and if you want your students to learn something, you repeat it, and repeat it, and repeat it. And so, it is one of the themes that has been prominent in the yatra. And I will tell my own little experience, early experience you could say, early experience, of His Holiness Radhanath Swami’s love.

Radhanath Swami, due to circumstances, we hadn’t associated much for many years. He had been in New Vrindavan and I had been in India. And then, even when he began to spend time at Chowpatty, I was in Juhu, and officially Chowpatty was not part of ISKCON, so we didn’t really spend much time together. But then, somehow I went to Pune, for the Pune-yatra. At the time, it seemed like a huge gathering of devotees, but it is not like the huge gatherings now, but it by our standards, it was huge. And so, we were living in a Krishna Chandra Prabhu’s home, where the yatra actual was held on the grounds, and all the devotees were waiting for Radhanath Swami to come down. And I think we both shaved up that morning, but I was shaving up afterwards, and it was taking time and I kept telling Maharaja, ”You should go down, all the devotees are waiting for you,” and he would not go down; he didn’t. He didn’t contradict me or anything, but he just didn’t move. I kept saying, “Maharaja, the devotees are waiting, it is going to take time and I have to shower. You should go down.” And he just would not move, and he waited for me. And after shaving, and showering, and dressing, we went down together. And at that moment, I thought, he really loves me, and it was such a different feeling. I think the mood has, at least in some places, in ISKCON, it is definitely improved since then, but at that time, I was used to a culture where, “Oh, Giriraj Swami is going to come here, that is great, I am going to go ahead, and I will be the one everyone sees, and then when he comes, they probably won’t even notice him. Oh, this is so good!”

Maybe that is just a projection of my evil mind, so don’t take it as a literal fact, but that is what I was thinking. Let’s just put it that way. I think this is so different. I felt he really loves me. And although he has the capacity, like we hear about Lord Chaitanya dancing with different kirtan parties, or Krishna playing His flute, Krishna dancing with the gopīs, even just now, about Krishna and Balarama singing. Everyone thinks that he loves only me, or he loves only me the best. And Radhanath Swami as an extension of Krishna’s love, and Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu’s love. He has that ability to make you feel so special. And it comes from him, he loves the way Krishna loves. And when he is with you, it really is like that, it is like you are the only one in the world for him, and you feel it. And so, you feel like you want to give your heart to him, which is a very wonderful thing, because he will take your heart and offer it to Srila Prabhupada through paramparā, to Srila Chaitanya Mahaprabhu, and on back to Radha and Krishna.

So, I can’t even express how grateful I am to him for what he has done for me personally, what he has done for all of you to create such a wonderful association, how he has brought all of you together here, and given me the chance to have your association. Today, I had a little talk with Aseit Krishna at the Bhaktivedanta ashram in Govardhana and he was sharing some of his realizations about Govardhana with me. And I asked him what he liked to read? What books he liked to read? He said, Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam, Śrī Caitanya-caritāmṛta. And then he mentioned Raghunatha dasa Goswami’s Prayer, especially his prayer for residents at Govardhana. And that, Raghunatha dasa, he could have stayed anywhere, he could have stayed in Vrindavan, he could have stayed in Barsana, he could have stayed in Nandagram, why Govardhana? And there is a commentary that Aseit Krishna has in Hindi. He believes that it is by Visvanatha Cakravarti Thakura, he couldn’t confirm it, but there is a commentary.

And the commentary, it is commenting on his prayer, nija-nikata-nivasam dehi govardhana tvam—that Govardhana is the Hari-dasa-varya, he is the greatest of all great souls. And it is the nature of great souls to seek the association of other great souls. And Govardhana Hill is the greatest of all great souls, so all other great souls will come to Govardhana to have darshan of Govardhana Hill. And so, Raghunatha dasa Goswami was thinking, If I reside at Govardhana Hill, then so many other great souls will come here for darshan, and I will get their darshan.

And that is true, at Bhaktivedanta ashram, so many great souls come. And it is very true of His Holiness Radhanath Swami, wherever he is, so many great souls come for his association. And so, while getting His Holiness Radhanath Swami’s association, you also get the association of so many great souls. And by his association, you all have become great souls, and so, we get your association by coming to be with him, and we are just drowning in an ocean of nectar.

So, I thank him, and all of you, and all of you, and Srila Prabhupada, who is the resource of all for us.

Hare Krishna.