SB 2.1.13 – Reviving Our Relationship with Krishna, Improving Our Relationships with Others

Giriraj Swami:

oṁ namo bhagavate vāsudevāya

oṁ namo bhagavate vāsudevāya

oṁ namo bhagavate vāsudevāya

We read from Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam, Canto Two, Chapter One, “The First Step in God Realization,”

TEXT 12

kiṁ pramattasya bahubhiḥ

parokṣair hāyanair iha

varaṁ muhūrtaṁ viditaṁ

ghaṭate śreyase yataḥ

TRANSLATION

What is the value of a prolonged life which is wasted, inexperienced by years in this world? Better a moment of full consciousness, because that gives one a start in searching after his supreme interest.

PURPORT by Srila Prabhupada

Śrīla Śukadeva Gosvāmī instructed Mahārāja Parīkṣit about the importance of the chanting of the holy name of the Lord by every progressive person. In order to encourage the King, who had only seven remaining days of life, Śrīla Śukadeva Gosvāmī asserted that there is no use in living hundreds of years without any knowledge of the problems of life — better to live for a moment with full consciousness of the supreme interest to be fulfilled. The supreme interest of life is eternal, with full knowledge and bliss. Those who are bewildered by the external features of the material world and are engaged in the animal propensities of the eat-drink-and-be-merry type of life are simply wasting their lives by the unseen passing away of valuable years. We should know in perfect consciousness that human life is bestowed upon the conditioned soul to achieve spiritual success, and the easiest possible procedure to attain this end is to chant the holy name of the Lord.

COMMENT

So, the first instruction of the Bhagavad-gītā is that we are not the body, but are the soul within the body. Those of you who have been coming to the satsaṅgas have heard the statement, “We are not the body, we are the soul within the body.” The soul is eternal, and the body is temporary. And our real success, our real happiness, lies not in relation to the temporary body, but in relation to the eternal soul. So, people who have been reading the Bhagavad-gītā and attending satsaṅgas have heard what I just said many times, and perhaps have said the same thing. But there is a difference between theoretical knowledge and practical experience. When we examine our lives, our days and nights and months and years, how much time is really spent on the body, and how much time is spent on the interest of the soul? And we will probably find that we spend a lot of time on the body; maintaining the body, pampering the body, preserving the body, so many things. And in this way, the valuable time of our life is imperceptibly slipping through our fingers like sand.

So, apart from spiritual knowledge, I should say theoretical knowledge, we need practical experience. And this verse tells us that one moment of consciousness is worth more than a prolonged life of inexperience. Now this phrase, “inexperienced by years” means that just by experiencing something, you may not learn from it. When I grew up, there was not a joke, but a saying about people who don’t learn from experience, that the person has had one year of experience, ten times. That means in ten years, he still hasn’t learned. And Srila Prabhupada gave a nice definition of experience. He said that good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment. But even that is not automatic. That implies that we learn from our mistakes, as it is said, failure is the pillar of success, if we learn from our mistakes.

So, this verse is telling us that one moment of actual realization is worth more than many years wasted, and we have to put ourselves in a position where we can have a moment of realization. There are many statements about the value of chanting even one holy name of the Lord, that just by chanting the holy name of the Lord once, one is freed from the reactions to more sins than he can commit. That is true. But as Srila Prabhupada says, there is also a question of the quality of the chanting. But if one can chant the holy name once with sincere feeling and surrender to Krishna, to the holy name, which is Krishna, one’s life can change completely. Now, we may chant the holy name many times every day, which is very good, we should. But we want to chant one name, or one mantra, with real attention and consciousness. Bhurijana Prabhu, our learned and experienced godbrother, says that he remembers very well the first time he heard the holy name. He had been an initiated devotee for two years, and he remembers very clearly the first time he actually heard the holy name. He had been chanting sixteen rounds a day for years, and finally, he heard the holy name. And when you actually hear the holy name, it is a different experience. The things that we read about the holy name in the scriptures are about the process of Krishna consciousness, and the scriptures comes to life.

So when we chant, we should let go of all other thoughts and considerations, and focus exclusively on the holy name, one mantra, because you can chant only one mantra at a time. So, when you chant, just focus on the one mantra that you are chanting at the present moment. Don’t think about, “I have to chant so many rounds,” because you can’t chant so many rounds, you can only chant one mantra, and then the next mantra, and then the next mantra, you can only chant one mantra. So, there is no use thinking about so many rounds you have to chant, just chant one mantra. And if you find that your mind has wandered, just gently bring it back to the mantra. Don’t lament about the mantras that you didn’t hear because they are gone, you can’t bring them back. And don’t think about all the mantras you are going to try to hear in the future because you can only hear one at a time. So, just focus on one mantra, just try to hear one mantra. And understand that when we chant, we are engaging with Krishna.

Sometimes we might think of chanting as a process, and in a way, it is a process, but more than a process, in its real essence, it is a relationship; it is our relationship with Krishna. And we are in the material world because we have turned away from Krishna, we have come here to try to enjoy in imitation of Krishna, or in competition with Krishna. And when we realize that we cannot be happy trying to imitate God, or take the place of God, and we realize that we have turned away from Krishna who is our best friend and well-wisher and we actually regret our having turned away from him and we want to rectify our relationship with him, the first thing we can do, the best thing we can do, is to make the effort to chant the holy name with attention. So, it is really our relationship with Krishna, specifically in the form of the holy name, that we are trying to develop. And if we just spend time with Krishna in the form of the holy name and try to chant the holy name with attention, Krishna will appreciate it. Even if we are not completely successful, we won’t be completely successful, even if we are not moderately successful, but just the fact that we have set aside this time to be with Krishna, to try to revive our relationship with Krishna, will please Krishna. Any relationship takes time, it takes an investment of time, and our relationship with Krishna does as well, and specifically, time with him in the form of the holy name and the scriptures and the deities, but we are talking about the holy name because that is what Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam says, that is the best process. Not just Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam, all the scriptures say it.

PURPORT (continued)

We should know in perfect consciousness that human life is bestowed upon the conditioned soul to achieve spiritual success, and the easiest possible procedure to attain this end is to chant the holy name of the Lord. In the previous verse, we have discussed this point to a certain extent, and we may further be enlightened on the different types of offenses committed unto the feet of the holy name.

COMMENT

So, this is very important, to spend time, but to spend the time in the best way. Sometimes it happens that there is difficulty in a relationship, and one problem may be that the couple doesn’t spend enough time together, each one is busy in his or her own affairs. So, then they decide that they will spend time together. Actually, one godbrother of mine told me that, I guess, a study was conducted, and the two words that fill a husband with the greatest fear and anxiety. . . Can you guess? What are the two words, which if his wife utters, will fill him with complete fear and anxiety?

Devotee: [Unintelligible 00:25:10]

Giriraj Swami: Close. “Let’s talk.” [laughter] As soon as he hears those words, “Let’s talk,” he doesn’t know what is coming, it could be anything. So, they decide, “Okay, we are going to spend some time together and talk.” But sometimes, due to false ego and material conditioning, it doesn’t go well, sometimes it gets worse. And it is because. . . I am making an analogy here to the holy name, but it is also a practical fact. The couple did not enter into the discussion in the proper consciousness. Perhaps each one thought, I am right, and the other one is wrong. And the purpose of this conversation is for me to show that I am right and the other person is wrong. And when both parties enter the conversation with the same idea, “I am right and the other one is wrong and all the problems could be solved if the other person just understood me and did what I wanted the other person to do,” this is a, as they say, formula for disaster, formula for disaster. And it happens because of false ego. And so, we know we should chant the holy name, the scriptures tell us, and the devotees do it, so we feel we should do it. But if we come with our false ego, that, “Actually, I am the supreme,” then it is not going to go too well. But still, if one perseveres and chant, eventually it will have some effect. But really, we should chant in the proper frame of mind. Just like when we enter a conversation with someone, who should enter with a proper frame of mind.

PURPORT (continued)

Śrīla Jīva Gosvāmī Prabhu has quoted many passages from authentic scriptures and has ably supported the statements in the matter of offenses at the feet of the holy name. From Viṣṇu-yāmala Tantra, Śrīla Jīva Gosvāmī has proven that one can be liberated from the effects of all sins simply by chanting the holy name of the Lord.

COMMENT

So, this chanting, I actually have a god-sister named Archana Siddhi, who, she and her husband together, counsel devotees. And she herself has very deep realizations about the value of good japa. She was initiated by Srila Prabhupada, and she was chanting for many years. But when she attended her first japa retreat and really got the sense of what it means to chant japa properly, it changed her life. She said that in the two years after the japa retreat, she felt she made more advancement than in the twenty years before the japa retreat. So, it is really a matter of the quality of the chanting. And if we chant in that way, we can feel that we are being relieved of sinful reactions. There are different stages of sinful reactions, and one part of a sinful reaction is the seed to commit further sins. And that is also eradicated by proper chanting, and then you feel relieved of sorrows and miseries and eternal desires.

PURPORT (continued)

Quoting from the Mārkaṇḍeya Purāṇa, Śrī Gosvāmījī says that one should neither blaspheme the devotee of the Lord nor indulge in hearing others who are engaged in belittling a devotee of the Lord. A devotee should try to restrict the vilifier by cutting out his tongue, and being unable to do so,

COMMENT

Probably we would feel ourselves unable to cut out the tongue of a blasphemer of devotees. So, there is an alternative.

PURPORT (continued)

A devotee should try to restrict the vilifier by cutting out his tongue, but being unable to do so, one should commit suicide rather than hear the blaspheming of the devotee of the Lord.

COMMENT

Now, how do we understand this statement? Well, without going into detail, we should understand that it is very harmful to hear blaspheming of the devotee. Not only to speak it, but to hear it as well, and we will just leave it at that. But I want to mention here that some criticism of devotees is done in a very casual way. We get together, we don’t even think about it, and we start to criticize, and that is very debilitating. And when one starts to chant japa seriously, one feels the effects of it, and then one avoids it at all costs, one just doesn’t want to bring that type of disturbance into one’s japa, which really leads into one’s relationship with Krishna because Krishna is not pleased when we criticize the devotees. And especially, if we have so many faults of our own, we should rather work on improving ourselves.

Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura, speaking of the mind, has said that in the morning, one should beat the mind, in the morning and evening. So, what does that mean? He himself explained that it means that you should chastise your mind because the mind will tell you that you are better than others, others are worse. So, when your mind tells you that untruth, you should hit it with a broomstick. So, we are in the material world because of the envy of Krishna, and that envy comes out in relation to other people, including devotees. It is ultimately envy of Krishna. And usually, devotees react more in the field in which they are themselves making efforts. For example, if someone says, “So-and-so is a really good cook. She made the best meal,” it doesn’t bother me because I am not a cook. If someone says, “So-and-so Maharaja gave a really good class.” “What do you mean? I can speak better than him. What do you mean he gave a really good class? You must not have heard me speak.” [laughter] So, it hits us when it pertains to our field. But ultimately, it is envy. We don’t want to admit the good quality in another person, we don’t want to admit that Krishna has endowed that person with some good quality or ability or mercy. So, we have to work on this. And these things come up when we chant. The chanting, it shines a spotlight on your mind, you see all the stuff that is going on in your mind. But it can cleanse it, ceto-darpaṇa-mārjanam, but you have to want to cleanse it. Otherwise, it is like, “Oh, this is too much, let us turn off the light, I don’t like seeing all these things that is happening in the dark.”

So, one area in which there can be that sort of casual criticism, or fault findings, in the family, because we don’t see each other as devotees. “That is my husband, that is my wife, that is my son, that is my daughter, this is my mother, this is my father.” That is true, those relationships are there, but if they are devotees, if they are making the effort to chant the holy names, then we have to respect them as devotees, and serve them as devotees. We hear about serving devotees, respecting the devotees, appreciating devotees, encouraging the devotees. We should have that attitude at home with our family members who are devotees. Actually, that is the main thing that they are devotees, they happen to be our family members but the main thing, they are devotees. So, it is a little difficult because of that bodily relationship, but as we progress, the spiritual aspect of the relationship will become more prominent, and the bodily aspect will become less so. And that is ideal, then our relationship would be very harmonious with Krishna in the center.

And Archana Siddhi, and this isn’t just some theory, but she has actually found in her practical experience of counseling devotees and couples, that when they spend time working on their japa, especially together, their relationship changes. It helps their consciousness. Because we are always struggling with the three modes of nature. Do you know about the three modes of nature? Who can tell me what the three modes of nature are? Yes?

Devotee: Goodness, passion, and ignorance.

Giriraj Swami: And what are the symptoms of goodness? What are the symptoms of passion? And what are the symptoms of ignorance?

Devotee: Symptoms of goodness is when you preach to Lord and a demigod.

Giriraj Swami: Anyway, you got it right, goodness, passion, and ignorance. You have heard the truth, and you have repeated it. [laughter] That is perfect. So now, going a little deeper, who can say, in one or two words, what characterizes goodness. Let us start with goodness. We won’t ask for all three, let us just start with one.

Devotees: [Unintelligible 00:42:01]

Giriraj Swami: Well, it is illumination. The mode of goodness is the mode of illumination. When you are in the mode of goodness, things become illuminated, things become clear. And what other people have said is true, you will be peaceful, definitely you will be peaceful and charitable, and those things will come, but basically, it is the mode of illumination. And what about passion? What is the main characteristic of passion?

Devotee: [Unintelligible 00:42:51]

Comment by Giriraj Swami: Intense hankering, yes. Intense hankering, desire, and frantic efforts to fulfill one’s desires. And ignorance. Yes, laziness, darkness, intoxication; what Mataji said, delusion, daydreaming. [laughter]

Devotee: What is the one word [Unintelligible 00:43:30]

Giriraj Swami: Darkness. But it is laziness, being intoxicated. So, there is always this competition, and we all have the experience. Sometimes we are in better form than in other times. Usually, if we are in ignorance, we are at our worst. A little better than that is passion. But better than that is goodness. So, if we want to have a conversation with someone, as far as possible, we want to be in the mode of goodness. Otherwise, if we are too passionate, it won’t work. Just the other day, I heard of a couple, and there was a big explosion, and it is one of those things. Without going into the details, the husband packed his bags, left the house. So, anyway, he eventually came back, but they weren’t talking. And in a way, it was good because they were both too heated up, they had to wait till they cooled down a little bit before they could talk. So, we don’t want to be too much in passion and ignorance in our relationships because it will really lead to conflicts.

So, apart from that, you would say the spiritual benefit of chanting together and having one’s consciousness elevated in relation to Krishna in the process of chanting, it also elevates the couple’s consciousness for when they deal with each other. Without all that passion and ignorance when they deal with each other, it is much more congenial. So, it is practical. And so, same thing when we chant. That is the basic idea, that we chant in proper consciousness and we don’t commit offenses, we don’t say things or do things. . . not just when we are chanting but at any time that would affect our relationship with Krishna, which in turn will affect our chanting, our relationship with the holy name when we chant. And of course, the other side is that if someone offends us, we shouldn’t take it too seriously. Once, one disciple said to Srila Prabhupada that. . . Because offending devotees, it has a particular remedy, which is that you approach the devotee and ask the devotee for forgiveness. So, one disciple said to Srila Prabhupada, “If I had to do that every time I offended a devotee, I would be spending my whole day apologizing and offering obeisances to devotees. I wouldn’t have time to do anything else.” And Srila Prabhupada said, “In the morning program. . .” Now, that is another thing, the morning program. But, “In the morning program after maṅgala-ārati, all the devotees offer obeisances to each other, and they recite the Vaishnava praṇāma mantra,”

vāñchā-kalpatarubhyaś ca kṛpā-sindhubhya eva ca 

patitānāṁ pāvanebhyo vaiṣṇavebhyo namo namaḥ

And that is meant to cleanse the effects of those little incidental offenses committed during the day just by our social interaction. But still, we should try to avoid criticism of devotees, try to see the devotees in their true essence as servants of guru and Krishna, and not just in terms of our bodily relationship.

PURPORT (continued)

The conclusion is that one should neither hear nor allow vilification of a devotee of the Lord. As far as distinguishing the Lord’s holy name from the names of the demigods, the revealed scriptures disclose (Bg. 10.41) that all extraordinarily powerful beings are but parts and parcels of the supreme energetic, Lord Kṛṣṇa. Except for the Lord Himself, everyone is subordinate; no one is independent of the Lord.

COMMENT

 So, this is also an offense, to consider the demigods to be equal to or independent of Lord Krishna. People coming in Hindu families may find that their parents and grandparents worshiped demigods, and they may also take up that, continue that. And of course, there is an incident in Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam that teaches us that Lord Krishna does not approve of demigod worship. Who can tell me what that incident is? You don’t have to describe it, but just in one. . .

Devotees: Govardhana-līlā

Giriraj Swami: Yes, Govardhana-līlā, correct. It was a tradition that the cowherd community would offer sacrifice to Indra. And one year, Lord Krishna said. . . This is not what Lord Krishna said, this is on a side, “I wish I had one dollar for every minute that people in this room have spent on their iPhones, smartphones, I would be a very rich sannyasi.” [laughter] So, coming back to Lord Krishna and Indra. Lord Krishna said to His father, “What is this ritual? Is it some tradition or is there actually some benefit?” In other words, we shouldn’t just do things out of tradition, there should be some benefit. And then there was some discussion, and in the end, Nanda Maharaja, and the others, they agreed, and they stopped Indra’s yajña. And then, instead of the Indra yajña, they had Govardhana-puja. And Indra became angry. Of course, generally, demigods don’t do that, they are happy if someone worships Krishna. But the same thing, false ego, pride, envy. So, he was afflicted by those. But Krishna protected the residents of Vrindavan, and they did not suffer at all. And in the process, Indra was rectified.

So, the purport is that there is no reason to worship demigods. And even if it has been a family tradition, like the Indra yajña was a family tradition, it is not necessary to maintain it. The demigods are devotees of Krishna, and we can see them as devotees of Krishna, but if we think, “If I just surrender to Krishna, Durga Ma will get angry and I will be in trouble, and I will lose the blessings of Ganesh, and what will happen?” Well, that is lack of faith. And bhakti begins with faith, ādau śraddhā. And what is that faith? That faith is defined as the firm confidence that just by discharging devotional service to Krishna, one will get everything. It is just like when you water the root of a tree, all the different limbs and branches and leaves are watered. There is a process. When you feed the stomach, all the limbs of the body are nourished. You can say, “Well, there are nine holes, the bigger ones; eyes, ears, nose. You can put the food in any hole.” No, it must go in the mouth, that is the scientific method. So, similarly, it is not that we can offer service to any demigod or devi, but to Krishna. And the Govardhana-līlā was significant because Indra was proud and envious, he needed to be rectified. But otherwise, in principle, the demigods, they are devotees of Krishna, and they want people to worship Krishna, they are actually happy if you do.

PURPORT (continued)

Except for the Lord Himself, everyone is subordinate; no one is independent of the Lord. Since no one is more powerful than or equal to the energy of the Supreme Lord, no one’s name can be as powerful as that of the Lord. By chanting the Lord’s holy name, one can derive all the stipulated energy synchronized from all sources. Therefore, one should not equalize the supreme holy name of the Lord with any other name.

COMMENT

It could be anywhere, but there are many examples from America and every country. But when I first went to India, not immediately but within the first few years, there was a very popular Hindi film called “Jai Santoshi Maa.” And after that film came out, different temples to Santoshi Maa started to spring up in different places, villages, and towns. And later, I heard that Santoshi Maa doesn’t really exist, she was just made up for the film. But when people saw it, they got, “Oh, we can get these blessings,” and then they started making temples to Santoshi Maa. So, we have to be serious, we have to go by authorized scriptures, not just sentiment. Hare Krishna.

PURPORT (continued)

The powerful holy name of the Lord can certainly deliver one from sinful effects, but one who desires to utilize this transcendental potency of the holy name of the Lord in one’s sinister activities is the most degraded person in the world. Such persons are never excused by the Lord or by any agent of the Lord. One should, therefore, utilize one’s life in glorifying the Lord by all means, without any offense. Such activity of life, even for a moment, is never to be compared to a prolonged life of ignorance, like the lives of the trees and other living entities who may live for thousands of years without prosecuting spiritual advancement.

COMMENT

Hare Krishna. So, one moment, it just takes one moment. In fact, the very next verse. . . I had that thought, it is in the very next verse.

TEXT 13

The saintly King Khaṭvāṅga, after being informed that the duration of his life would be only a moment more, at once freed himself from all material activities and took shelter of the supreme safety, the Personality of Godhead.

COMMENT

So, we can surrender in a moment. And that moment is what we want. And that surrender, it can be done in other ways, but because our common activity, the most essential activity, especially for initiated devotees or those who want to be initiated, is the chanting of the holy name, chanting of japa. So, we should try to make each mantra that mantra that I am actually going to hear, that I am actually going to surrender. And then the next, but not now, not the next one now, the present one now, then the next one. And it will have wonderful effects, and it will be beneficial, and yes, things will be illuminated. Like the Bhagavad-gītā says, you get transcendental knowledge and it illuminates everything. Like, the world is illuminated when the sun rises and the darkness is dispelled, and things become clear; who we are, who Krishna is, who my wife really is, and who my husband really is, and our children, and our parents, and the devotees of the temple, the paramparā, and Gauranga, and Radha and Krishna. Everything is illuminated. And then, in the dark, you just stumble around, you might bump into a wall, you might stub your toe, you might trip and fall over, you are in a helpless position when you are in darkness. We want light, when things are illuminated by the holy name, by Krishna consciousness, when we can see, we can move, we can interact, and we can be successful. Hare Krishna.

Devotees: Hare Krishna. [applause]

Giriraj Swami: Are there any questions or comments? Yes?

Devotee: Maharaja, you said that when we surrender to the name at that moment, that is when we attain Krishna consciousness, or attain perfection. But in order to be able to surrender to that level, one has to have a lot of faith. And then, Maharaja, you mentioned, Khatvanga Maharaja. In one moment, he came to know that it was going to be the last moment, and he was able to surrender. So, how could he surrender so easily without having faith? And if he had faith, wouldn’t he have already surrendered?

Giriraj Swami: Well, sometimes under pressure, to give the example, a diamond is coal, carbon. And when the coal is under pressure, it can crumble, or it can become a diamond. So, when we hear that we have only one moment to live, or seven days to live, that puts some pressure on us. And under that pressure, we can surrender, become like a diamond, but some people crumble. But the devotee won’t crumble, he will become a diamond. Any other questions or comments?

Devotee: [Unintelligible 01:05:35]

Giriraj Swami: Yes. As Bhurijana Prabhu says, that when the consciousness touches the holy name, it is an extraordinary experience. So, that turning away from Krishna that brought us in the material world and keeps us in the material world, that gets reenacted in our japa. We pick up our beads and we want to focus on the holy name, on Krishna. And then, out of habit, we turn away from Krishna again. So, we should repent. It is a relationship; we should repent and chant the names of the Pancha-tattva and try again. But that is a very good book, Japa by Bhurijana dasa. Did you read the whole book? Did you see how blissful he is? [laughter] Smiling. That is the effect.

Devotee: Haribol!

Giriraj Swami: You smile a lot too. [laughter] There could be other causes. [laughter] What is the cause of your smiling?

Devotee: I don’t know; I smile, I have a typical question.

Giriraj Swami: Because you associate a lot with flowers. Flowers are the smile of the Lord.

Devotee: To tell you the truth Maharaja, the devotees initiated are not initiated. They do come across with fulfilling the sixteen rounds okay, but somehow got initiated. And I have a friend of mine who comes to temple, and I ask him, “How do you do so much service?” And, “You look like an initiated devotee. So, are you initiated?” He said, “No.” I said, “Why?” “I have problem in completing the sixteen rounds.” [Unintelligible 01:08:24].

Giriraj Swami: He says that he knows a devotee who seems to be a nice devotee, but he is not initiated. He asked him why he is not initiated; he said he can’t be initiated because he doesn’t chant sixteen rounds. So, Amarendra Prabhu said, “Well, if you are initiated, then you might get some special mercy, and then you will be able to chant sixteen rounds.”

Well, the general process is that one should chant sixteen rounds for some time before initiation. Now, there is a critical question here, which is whether your friend has a relationship with a senior devotee, like a spiritual master. Because the mercy doesn’t have to wait for the initiation, the mercy can come before the initiation, and the guru, and I don’t mean just one, but the guru, the Vaishnava, can help you come to the stage of sixteen rounds. So, I think that is the question. So, he is not initiated, he could be initiated when he comes to the standard. But to get to the standard, it might help him if he had some relationship with some senior devotee who could help him come to the standard. So, you could ask him. Any other questions or comments?

Devotee: Hare Krishna. How do you [Unintelligible 01:11:00]

Giriraj Swami: Well, I have heard different parents who I consider to be successful, give different explanations of how they were successful. And one such couple is Sesha Prabhu and his wife Madhumati in Alachua. They visited me in Santa Barbara with their two daughters, and their daughters were quite Krishna conscious, and they were late teenagers then, which can be a challenging time, but they were quite Krishna conscious. So, I asked the parents, and the parents said that they never told their daughters to do anything, but they themselves did everything. They either went to the morning program in the temple, or they had a morning program at home, they would invite devotees and sannyasis to visit the house, they would serve them, the parents would serve them. And by seeing the activities of the parents and how happy the parents were and how nicely the parents related to each other and how nicely the parents related to their children, they themselves were inspired, on their own. And I know at least one of them is initiated, maybe they are both initiated. So, that was what they said.

Another time, we had a couple, a very, very nice couple, young couple. The husband’s parents were devotees, and the wife’s parents were devotees, and they were very nice devotees. So, we asked them, “How did you end up like this?” And they both said that their parents never forced them, and they really appreciated the fact that their parents never forced them. But at the same time, both pairs of parents were very strong devotees on their own. This could be going a bit off track, but I know the one mother was an excellent cook. And once, I joked when that young man was getting of marriageable age, that, “It is going to be very hard for you to move away from home because your mother is such a good cook.” I didn’t even say it would be hard for him to find a wife who could cook like his mother because I didn’t even think it was possible. [laughter] So I just said, “It is going to be very hard for you to move away with your wife because your mother is such a good cook.” And two years later, he was engaged, and I went to visit them, and the construction was going on for the addition to the house. [laughter] I might really be old-fashioned and a lot of my experience was in India, like, a little while ago, but good cooking, on the part of the wife, it is a very important factor.

In South Africa, there are a lot of families of Indian origin, and there is one place, Port Elizabeth, where there were really good cooks. And devotees would visit there, and they would always have these fantastic feasts. So maybe I did. I asked the wife, and I was staying there at the house, I asked her where she learned to cook. She said she learned from her mother and grandmother. I said, “At what age?” She said, “I started late, I was seven.” [laughter] Yes, really, “They should start younger,” that is what she said, something like that. And then just a little after that, within a week, I went to Johannesburg, and I visited a couple. They were an elderly couple, and I didn’t even bring it up, but they were talking about the system of marriage and how the boy’s parents would come and visit the household to see what background the girl came from. And one of the big things was the meal. And that lady, the grandmother, she was saying how in the old days, the girls would learn to cook from a very young age. And consequently, they became very good cooks, and that was very good for their marriages. And she felt that a lot of problems came because now, some parents, they don’t even want their daughters to cook, they want them to study so they can get a career. But for the marriage, it really is a factor. So, [laughter] I seem to have struck a chord.

Yes, yes. So, that is what those young people said, that they appreciated it that their parents didn’t force them, that their parents gave them the choice. But at the same time, their parents were exemplary in Krishna consciousness and in their relationship with each other. And the other, maybe a little something, they were very cooperative and affectionate to the children. So, I think it is possible. But again, it was a little different time and a little different culture, not that much, but maybe ten years ago, South Africa. But I think these are general principles. But Ṛtadhvaja Swami always says that the children in the movement are born into the movement, but they haven’t joined. It is up to them to decide to join or not. And so, that should be our. . . It is the same thing, see them as devotees or potential devotees. Plus, you do have to assert your authority as a parent. It is like when after Nimai took birth. Who knows who Nimai is? Yes, Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu.

So, after Nimai was born, an astrologer came to the house and did the calculations for Nimai. And he said, “In his past life, your son was a cowherd. And because of his pious activity in taking care of the cows, now He is taken birth in a brahman family.” [laughter] And then he read further, “He is the Supreme Personality of Godhead. So, you have to be very careful with how you deal with him.” And Jagannatha Mishra replied, “He may be the Supreme Personality of Godhead, I am sure He is. But still, He is my son and if He does something wrong, I have to protect Him.” So, I think that we can see these great souls who have taken birth in our families as great souls, but still, we are their parents, and if they do something wrong, we have to correct them.

Hare Krishna.

And the children should obey. [laughter] That is their duty.