Tamal Krishna Goswami’s Appearance Day’s Appearance Day—Giriraj Swami’s Appreciation

Giriraj Swami: It was a day of different remembrances and different moods, sometimes there were feelings of separation, but later in the day, maybe just because of the service I felt his presence more by trying to serve his devotees and his projects, and in some cases giving them a chance to speak about him. 

One good news that came up was in Dallas, the school, TKG Academy is growing by leaps and bounds, the number of students that are enrolling is just increasing incredibly and they didn't know where to put the students. But a property that the devotees have been eyeing for maybe decades, which the owner was totally unwilling to sell, suddenly became available. It is right behind the temple property where Yudhisthira Prabhu used to have his business. So, it is a long story but it is really a good place and they needed Lakshmi that was the only question.

So I did it on purpose, I wanted to speak with them today about some inspiration or prodding from Goswami Maharaja, and so then I said I would do something and we took it all, Krishna wants this, now we are definitely going ahead. And then I spoke with Dhananjay Prabhu from Dallas who has so much to say about Goswami Maharaja; so many things, it could have been nice if he was here, it would be nice if Goswami was here. And he was speaking about his sort of a child-like nature, a joyful nature, and he felt at a certain stage that Goswami maybe regretted being as heavy as he was with Dhananjay and so to mitigate that he tried to be more playful. I guess it is another way of saying what other devotees said, but he really could be all things to all people. It just was in his heart that he seemed like he could understand anyone and reciprocate with them perfectly in their mood. 

I mean it was him but maybe it was also partly his background, but when I grew up there weren't black people in the neighborhood, and I just never, well, hardly ever, yes, from the age of eight onwards there was just no black people. And when I went to Texas, especially for his Vyasa-pujas, there were a number of black people like a Vakreshwar Pandit [Unintelligible 00:06:13], and the way he was totally in tune with them, I mean the way he reciprocated, it was just like one of them. And in a way he was so human, but also superhuman. I hear stories about when they went to Fiji, and the devotees were, forget what they were doing, maybe going to the beach, they were doing something that they didn't include him in thinking that maybe he was preoccupied with other things, and then when he found out he said, "Why didn't you invite me?" So yes, that is also quite mysterious, how someone could be so human and at the same time so superhuman.

But he was very loving and one thing I found with him early, well, relatively early, I mean it wasn't really much of an issue for me when Srila Prabhupada was present because Srila Prabhupada was the authority. Sometimes Tamal Krishna Goswami would just complain, well, maybe not complain, but remark that, he is not the GBC for India, Prabhupada is the GBC, but it was a little more of an issue when Prabhupada left. That we would discuss something, we were together in India, and sometimes he was clearly right, but sometimes I would feel that I saw something that he didn't see, he couldn't see that I was seeing something that he couldn't see. But I did have faith in him, and it happened again and again and again that in the morning he would chant and reflect on whatever the issue was, and if it really was a point where he should have come around, he did come around. So even though he was such a powerful and forceful person but he was controlled even invisibly by Krishna and Prabhupada. So I didn't really worry too much about those differences because it happened so many times like that.

And it is true how deeply he has entered the hearts of his followers. Even today Svarupa Damodara Prabhu quoted the exchange with Kadamba Kanan Swami. It does happen quite often, that a question will come up, and so we think what would... That is one thing, I wish he were here, but the other is, the next step is, "Okay, he is not here, but what would he do?" And I know a number of godbrothers who think like that, and when devotees are in that mood they encourage them, well, what would he do? Just think what he would do; just pray to him to guide you what he would do? And in my talk with Dhananjay. Dhananjay was saying how clear Tamal Krishna Goswami was in his instructions, and he said sometimes devotees say, "I wish Tamal Krishna Goswami was here to tell me what to do, what he wants me to do." And Dhananjay Prabhu said, "What he wants you to do? How much more clear could it be? He wants you to go back to Godhead, he wants you to spread Krishna consciousness, how much more clear could it be?"

So, before he left for India, for what turned out to be the last time, we had a very long phone call for which I am very grateful. Because I think within that phone call we pretty much touched on every part of my life, devotional life, even physical, but mainly devotional. And it was like he just went through everything, he would inquire more, and I also didn't know how much time he had because he had so much responsibility but he was really like fully present, and asking what about this? What about this? And he said many prophetic things. So many devotees who also had that experience that he will say things that they don't appreciate the full importance at the time, and then in time it becomes revealed how prophetic his words were, there were many of those as well. And this is something I don't talk about that much, but I think I will, especially because of what Sarvatma Prabhu said at the end of his talk. 

So after Goswami Maharaja left, after the automobile incident, Agavita Prabhu came here and I just wanted to hear every detail. He told me so many details about that last visit, and again it was as if he knew that he would be leaving, or it was in his mind he might be leaving. And so many things Agavita Prabhu said, and then specifically, the last morning that the car ride and the collision, and so just so many details. So then I determined that when I go to India because at that time I wasn't traveling much, but I determined that when I go to India I must visit that tree. So I went to Calcutta, stayed with Agavita Prabhu, heard many more wonderful things about Goswami Maharaja in Calcutta. So then we are driving to Mayapur, and I said I want to stop and see that tree. So we did and at first I was angry with the tree, I took the tree as an instrument of some catastrophe, but I guess I don't know underlying that or somehow that sort of change, and I was sort of angry with Goswami for leaving. And it was sort of like Prabhupada called me.

But then he said, and this definitely changed my mood, he said, "You can also come." So then the whole mood changed, "Oh well then, well that is not so bad if I can come." And then he said, "But you have to do three things first: One, you have to write your books. Two, you have to improve your chanting. And three, you have to give shelter to more souls." And those three instructions are like the blueprint, it is like the overriding guiding principles for everything I do, although I don't know how to do them all, but it is definitely my blueprint, my directions. 

I mean it is hard, I must admit all the separation, but I guess that is also part of the process of meeting and separation, and the separation can give impetus to service which can result in meeting. But I am not very strong, maya is strong, of course, Krishna consciousness is stronger, if we take shelter of Him. And his personal care definitely was very encouraging in that effort, and it is harder without it. But still, we have to do what we can. And Kalachandji kept saying he is there, and he is there so everything is all right, good; everything is good.

Hare Krishna.