Srila Prabhupada’s Disappearance Day

Giriraj Swami: So on November 9, just after this conversation about the Juhu temple opening, His Holiness Lokanath Swami arrived in Vrindavan and told Srila Prabhupada about his traveling with his bullock cart and visiting different holy places, and he mentioned that the weather was still pleasant even in North India where Vrindavan is. And the next day Srila Prabhupada told the devotees, the leaders, that he wanted to be relieved of all responsibilities and just travel by bullock cart to different holy places. At that stage, Srila Prabhupada was completely bedridden, he couldn’t move. He couldn’t even move an arm without assistance, and here he was saying he wanted to do parikramā on Bullock cart. So a controversy arose among the disciples. The disciples that were taking care of Srila Prabhupada, personally attending to his service, Tamal Krishna Goswami, Bhavananda Prabhu, Bhakti Charu Swami, Bhakti Svarupa Damodara Swami, they all staunchly opposed the idea of Prabhupada traveling. And Lokanath Swami and Hamsaduta Prabhu, Hamsaduta Prabhu especially was very vocal that our duty is just to execute the order of the spiritual master; it is not our business to question his orders. And Lokanath Swami, he was very enlivened and he was eager and Srila Prabhupada had had a dream that a kavirāja, an Ayurvedic practitioner from the Ramanuja sampradāya would care for him. And the devotees in Calcutta, led by Adidharna Prabhu, they found such a person named Damodara Prasad Shastri, and brought him to Vrindavan. And he was very expert; he was really amazing and he was also very devotional. 

So the devotees asked him what they thought of Srila Prabhupada travelling by bullock cart. He said he won’t survive more than two hours. So there was this very big controversy and Srila Prabhupada said things like, “Don’t worry, I won’t die in one day” and “I think I will be cured.” But even that was taken in different ways. The people on the one side like Hamsaduta Prabhu, they thought yes, he will be cured. He says he will be cured so we have to accept it, he will be cured. The devotees on the other side took it yes, he will be cured but what does that mean? It means he is going to leave his body and get a spiritual body, that is how he will be cured. So like this, the discussions were going on. Lokanath Swami went to Mathura and hired a bullock-cart and had everything ready. And the other devotees, they were just beside themselves with worry. So finally on, maybe it was the 11th, Srila Prabhupada’s godbrother, Akincana Krishna dasa Babaji Maharaja came to visit him. 

Babaji Maharaja, as Srila Prabhupada told us, was a paramahamsa, a fully liberated self-realized soul, disciple of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura, and he was always engaged in chanting the holy name; he was always blissful. So he came and Bhakti Charu Swami thought, We have to do something to dissuade Srila Prabhupada from this plan which seemed suicidal. In fact, there was a discussion maybe the day before, and they were saying, this is suicidal. And Srila Prabhupada quoted the instance of Marica from the ramayana, that Ravana wanted him to come to Sita, Rama, and Lakshman in the forest and assumed the form of a deer and lure Rama and Lakshman away from Sita so Ravana could kidnap her. But Marica didn’t want to do that; he didn’t want to go against Rama. So Ravana said, “If you don’t do this, I will kill you.” And Marica considered, Well either I will be killed by the demon Ravana or I will be killed by the personality of Godhead Rama, so I would rather be killed by Rama, and so he went. So Srila Prabhupada said when the devotees were saying this is suicidal, he quoted Marica he said, “Either I will be killed by Ravana or I will be killed by Rama, so better to be killed by Rama.” 

So he was lying in bed, it was like always complaining, you could say, about lying in bed and not doing anything. So that was like being killed by Ravana just to lie in bed, and go on the bullock cart that would be like being killed by Rama. So that was what Prabhupada said.So this controversy was going on and then Akincana Krishna dasa Babaji Maharaja came, and Srila Prabhupada said that he should be offered prasāda, naturally, and Prabhupada wanted him to take it right there in his room. But Bhakti Charu Swami wanted to speak with Babaji Maharaja to get him to convince Prabhupada not to go on parikramā, so he arranged for the prasāda to be served in the next room and then he spoke with Babaji Maharaja. Meanwhile Prabhupada had spoken to Babaji Maharaja about the parikramā, invited him to come with him and Babaji Maharaja said yes he would come. But then Bhakti Charu Swami explained the real situation. 

Meanwhile Tamal Krishna Goswami and Bhavananda Maharaja, they had gone upstairs and they were talking; they were distraught what to do. So almost at the same time Babaji Maharaja came back into the room and Tamal Krishna Goswami and Bhavananda Maharaja came down from upstairs and Srila Prabhupada knew exactly what was going on and he said, “So you requested me not to go.” And Babaji Maharaja said “ji” saying yes, haanji, yes. And so Tamal Krishna Goswami and Bhavananda Prabhu were saying there has been so much anxiety and people were telling them that the roads are so rough, even if they put a mattress and the Bullock cart Srila Prabhupada would be jolted and he would suffer so much pain. And even just lying in his bed he was experiencing pain and they just couldn’t see it. And Bhakti Svarupa Damodara even said that people might think that we are being negligent of our spiritual master, taking him in a bullock cart in his condition and they would blame us and criticize us. So Prabhupada said, “All right I won’t go.” And that was such a great relief and Prabhupada said, “So now you are satisfied?” And Bhavananda said, “Yes, now I am. I was in so much anxiety.” And Prabhupada said to Babaji Maharaja, “My right hand and my left hand, how can I refuse?” And he said, “Just see how much love my disciples have for me.” And Babaji Maharaja said, “Yes, it is amazing.”

So it was a very, except for maybe a few devotees on the other side, it was a very happy occasion. And so that evening some devotees were staying on and massaging Srila Prabhupada. I was one of them and Tamal Krishna Goswami said the sons are cooperating for the service of the father. So during the night, I am going to tell some things I haven’t told before but it is okay. So during the night Srila Prabhupada made a gesture that he needed to pass urine and somehow at that time the more experienced caregivers were not there and it was just me and Upendra. So Upendra indicated to me that you should put the plastic urinal bottle between Srila Prabhupada’s legs so he can pass and I did that and I kept it there and nothing came out. I waited longer still nothing came out and I looked to Upendra and he said, “Okay, you can just take it away.” But the experience of that simple act was that I felt more purified than if I had done a thousand āratis or chanted a thousand rounds. I was just unbelievably purified. 

So that night I took rest on the rooftop of the gurukula building, and in the middle of the night, maybe midnight 1:00 in the morning, a devotee came running and shook me, woke me up and said “Prabhupada is calling you, Prabhupada is calling you.” And so many things rushed through my mind that is something wrong, is Prabhupada leaving, and I didn’t know what to expect. So I quickly came down to Srila Prabhupada’s room and sat near the bed because even when Srila Prabhupada spoke it was very soft, it was very hard to hear him because he was so weak. And so I leaned forward to hear him and he asked, “So do you think this movement will go on after I leave?” And I said yes, as long as the devotees are sincere and chant their rounds and follow the principles the movement will go on. And then with great difficulty Srila Prabhupada uttered one word “Organization” and then a moment or two later he added, “Intelligence and Organization.” And I thought about the significance of what Srila Prabhupada said and I considered that yes, for our own spiritual lives and even to preach, we have to be sincere and chant our rounds and follow the principles but beyond that, to spread Krishna consciousness we have to be organized, intelligent and organized, and that was also service to Srila Prabhupada and to Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. 

So that was the night of the 11th and on the 12th Srila Prabhupada again brought up the idea of traveling but it was not physically possible. Oh yes, this is important, the day before when Srila Prabhupada said to Babaji Maharaja, “My right hand and my left hand how can I refuse?” So Tamal Krishna Goswami said, “Yes and we also cannot refuse you, we will take you on parikramā to Govardhana.” This was Govardhana-puja time so Prabhupada said, we are in Vrindavan we must go to Govardhana and participate. So Tamal Krishna Goswami said, “We will take you to Govardhana but you just have to get a little stronger first. And the kavirāja had a whole program, he really was very good and he was explaining how if the Prabhupada kept following his treatment within a certain number of days he would be strong enough to make that trip. So then, on the 13th there was some interaction; one of Prabhupada’s godbrothers, Swami Bon, came to visit him and Prabhupada was just so enthusiastic to preach and I couldn’t believe it. He was literally on his deathbed, he was ready to leave his body anytime and he did two days later or one day later (yes one day later) but he was showing or having a disciple show Bon Maharaja pictures of the preaching activities around the world and just up to the end he was just so enthusiastic to preach. And then the next day he didn’t speak, the 14th, he said only one thing when the kavirāja wanted him to drink some juice he said in Hindi, “I have no desire.” And then the kavirāja said, “Okay now it is just a matter of hours, two or three hours. And the devotees open up the doors to anyone to come in; women, children, everyone, came in and they did kirtan and then at about 7:25 p.m. Prabhupada opened his mouth and moved his tongue; he was uttering Hare Krishna and he left. Srila Prabhupada ki jaya! 

Well, a lot happened after that but I want to move ahead a little to the 18th, that was four days after Srila Prabhupada left. Because it was Prabhupada ‘s desire to go to Govardhana, so the devotees organized a parikramā to Govardhana and we took a small deity of Srila Prabhupada. And for me maybe one of the most memorable parts of the that parikramā was when the devotees took that deity of Srila Prabhupada on to the Sangam between Radha-kunda and Shama-kunda, they call it the Sangam, there is a little house with Govardhana shilas, and they did kirtan. And at that time it was just so clear to me, I can’t even explain how real it was, that that deity and Srila Prabhupada were the same. There was absolutely no difference; that was Prabhupada, that Prabhupada was there. And I thought of what Tamal Krishna Goswami said that we will take you to Govardhana. And he even said Krishna will make our words come true. And then another little thing; so we went to Kusum sarovar and it is a very nice little lake, very nice architecture, and so devotees were there jumping in the water and frolicking and swimming and they had music amplified, very nicely, I don’t know how they did it but it was just booming all over that area, the devotees had arranged that and it started to play what we called the ‘Vande aham’ album. It was a very early album that Srila Prabhupada recorded, maybe in 1968 and I used to listen to that in Boston and I love that album, and then when that music came on it was just too much. 

So Srila Prabhupada had instructed us about his samadhi that all was done and then he wanted some flowers taken from his samadhi to Mayapur, and that is the basis of Pushpa samadhi, Pushpa means flower. So Tamal Krishna, Bhavananda, other devotees, and I, so we took the flowers, we stopped in Calcutta and of course everyone was lamenting. We were singing and Srila Prabhupada’s son and daughter from his previous ashram came. Someone asked, “Now that Prabhupada is gone, who is going to speak to us about Krishna?” And Tamal Krishna Goswami looked at me and said, “That is a very good question.” We would speak but it wasn’t the same as Prabhupada speaking. He was really speaking about Krishna. And we went to Mayapur, we did the Pushpa samadhi ceremony and then we came to Juhu for the opening of the temple. 

So coming back to the controversy among the disciples, so this was a question in my mind. Although in a way personally, I was closer to the devotees who are serving Srila Prabhupada, Tamal Krishna Goswami, Bhavananda Prabhu, Bhakti Charu Swami, but these were all very senior devotees and respected devotees, and so it was really on my mind did we do the right thing. Because even after Prabhupada left the controversy went on. Hamsaduta Prabhu, Lokanath Swami, they felt strongly that we should have honored Prabhupada’s will and taken him on parikramā. He said, “Rest assured I will not die in a day, I will be cured,” so it was really on my mind. And two days after Prabhupada left it was my practice, you could say, of course when Prabhupada wasn’t there, to chant japa in his room. And probably many of you have seen his room in Vrindavan, and so behind his bed there is an area with bookshelves, so I went into that area to chant. And two weeks before Prabhupada left, a devotee named Citsukhaananda had come from America to Vrindavan and brought Srila Prabhupada some new publications. And the volumes were specially prepared for Srila Prabhupada on with gold embossing. Now this was all gold. So I was sitting behind Prabhupada’s bed in that area chanting and my eyes fell on the new volume of Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam that had just come and I opened it up and it opened to a verse that I will read you now. What a coincidence, or we can chant it, we have a few minutes.

oṁ namo bhagavate vāsudevāya
oṁ namo bhagavate vāsudevāya
oṁ namo bhagavate vāsudevāya

I will just read the Sanskrit 

evaṁ sandarśitā hy aṅga

hariṇā bhṛtya-vaśyatā

sva-vaśenāpi kṛṣṇena

yasyedaṁ seśvaraṁ vaśe

TRANSLATION

O Mahārāja Parīkṣit, this entire universe, with its great, exalted demigods like Lord Śiva, Lord Brahmā and Lord Indra, is under the control of the Supreme Personality of Godhead. Yet the Supreme Lord has one transcendental attribute: He comes under the control of His devotees. This was now exhibited by Kṛṣṇa in this pastime.

COMMENT

And I related this to what happened with Srila Prabhupada, that he, you could say, voluntarily came under the control of his devotees. And it is really not exactly that he comes under the control of the devotees, even with Krishna it is not exactly He comes under the control of His devotees but He comes under the control of their love. So I thought, Well this is what happened. Srila Prabhupada came under the control of the love of his devotees, and so he didn’t go on the parikramā and to my mind this satisfied that doubt or that that question that I had. And there is a further meaning. Can someone give me, I could paraphrase it but, the Dāmodarāṣṭakam? We had a little different translation back then but this would be alright. So Text three:

“Those super excellent pastimes of Lord Krishna’s babyhood drowned the inhabitants of Gokula in pools of ecstasy. To the devotees who are attracted only to his majestic aspect of Narayana in Vaikuntha the Lord here in reveals, I am conquered and overwhelmed by pure loving devotion to the Supreme Lord Damodara my obeisance is hundreds and hundreds of times.”

So I also saw this as relevant. Of course with the spiritual master there is always an element of on reverence. With Krishna and His devotees in Vrindavan there is no reverence, it is just pure love without. . . it is kevala bhakti; it is pure love without any awareness of his opulence and majesty. But with the spiritual master there is always awareness of his position as spiritual master. But still Srila Prabhupada was drawing out of his devotees during those final days that pure love for him that enabled them to express themselves in a very heartfelt personal intimate way that, “Please stay with us, don’t go; please don’t go, we love you, we want you to stay with us.” And Srila Prabhupada said to Babaji Maharaja, “Just see how much my disciples loved me.” And there was a somewhat similar incident a few months earlier when Srila Prabhupada seem to be very, not just close to leaving but almost like he was preparing to leave. He stopped drinking water and he had told the devotees that his father, when his father was ready to leave he had stopped drinking water; stopped eating, stopped drinking water, and that was how he left. So Prabhupada, he didn’t make any announcement or anything but just stopped drinking water and Prabhupada’s servant Upendra, very sweet devotee, very innocently said Srila Prabhupada you have to drink, if you don’t drink you will become dehydrated. And Prabhupada said, “Oh you want me to drink water?” And he said, yes. And Prabhupada said, “Called the GBC.” It was not a small matter. 

So Abhiram Prabhu was there, he called the GBC, all the GBC and senior devotees came and Prabhupada he said, “Of course, if I am to survive I will have to drink water but my living means so many inconveniences, so let me die in peace.” So up until then the whole mood set by Srila Prabhupada was whatever Krishna desires. If Krishna wants me to stay, I will stay; if Krishna wants me to go, I will go. Because we had heard from Srila Prabhupada that his guru Maharaja Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura had left earlier because he was disgusted with his disciples, some of his disciples. So we asked Srila Prabhupada if that was the case with him and he said, “No, if I am allowed to stay longer in your company I will be very happy to stay with you.” So the mood had been all along, whatever Krishna wants but now when the devotees brought up that idea whatever Krishna wants, Srila Prabhupada said, “Krishna has given me the choice,” and that was a very radical statement and it also. . . Mayeshvar Prabhu that is not just plain water, I just want you to know that but I am sure if you want some plain water we can arrange it. 

So Srila Prabhupada said, “Krishna has given me the choice,” and that was a very shocking statement to us. So Prabhupada said, “So you discuss amongst yourselves and tell me.” So all the devotees left Prabhupada’s room and met in the anti-room in the house in Vrindavan. And Kirtanananda Swami was very lucid and he said, “If Krishna has given Prabhupada the choice and if Prabhupada is giving us the choice, then we should ask him to stay.” And everyone agreed yes, if he is giving us the choice we should ask him to stay. And then some devotee said, “But not all the GBC are here.” And Brahmananda, great Brahmananda said, “Come on, what GBC is going to say, they want Prabhupada to go.” So the group went back into Prabhupada’s room and Prabhupada said, “So you have discussed?” “Yes.” And actually Kirtanananda was chosen to be the spokesperson, he was a senior most but he started weeping and he couldn’t speak. And in Brahmananda Prabhu is behind him rubbing his back and then Kirtanananda said, “If Krishna has given you the choice and if you are giving us the choice, then don’t leave.” And Prabhupada said, “Is this the decision of all of you?” He said, “Yes, we have all discussed and we all have agreed that we want you to stay.” And then Prabhupada, almost with a yawn, yawning, “All right.” Satsvarupa Maharaja said it was the most matter-of-fact decision of life or death ever. “All right.” And then he drank, he had juice and then he stayed on with us.

And so Srila Prabhupada, he was drawing out our love and encouraging us to express our love for him, not in a sentimental way but in a deep spiritual way. So I related this to the dāmodara-līlā and especially the idea that to those devotees who are overwhelmed with conceptions of the Lord’s opulence and majesty, Krishna showed that he is overwhelmed and conquered by pure loving devotion. And I believe that Srila Prabhupada also, as Krishna’s representative, demonstrated that same quality.

So now forty years later we are in the same position in a way, that with our love, not that we can bind Srila Prabhupada, but in a way we can bind him in our heart, by our love and our desire for him to stay and be with us we can create such a situation that he will manifest himself and be with us. And although in a way it is not exactly the same because once Srila Prabhupada. . . I don’t know if Prabhupada initiated the topic or a disciple, did but the idea reading the book Bhagavat or serving the person Bhagavat, one gets the same result. And so one devotee said to Srila Prabhupada, “Is it like that; you get the same result?” And Prabhupada said, “No, not exactly because when you serve the person Bhagavat he can pull you by the ear.” But even then if we want Prabhupada to pull our ear if we need it, he will arrange but yes that is our desire and that is our prayer that yes, by our mood of service and surrender and desire for Prabhupada to be present with us, he will be. He is and he will manifest his presence to us. Hare Krishna.

So we have a few minutes anyone wants to ask or add yes Bhargava Prabhu. Wait, who raised over there? Mic? Well, you can I will repeat it, our time is short so I said I will repeat in the microphone the question well anyway now that now it has come. 

Devotee: First of all, thank you for your service to Prabhupada at that time. It would have broken my heart to be there; I was in Brazil. For me he was my Generalist, my Napoleon and it would have just destroyed me. So thank you for that personal service to Prabhupada. But it was just an insight Prabhupada wanted to go to Govardhana? 

Giriraj Swami: Yes 

Devotee: And it just occurred to me, years ago I was in Vrindavan and I was hanging with Yugasena, an Australian devotee and Prabhupada liked him, Prabhupada likes everybody of course, but he used to take Prabhupada for rides. Prabhupada had a curious side too, when he would go to different places and he said that white vinyl bag that Prabhupada had, he actually had Govardhan shilas in them. I didn’t know if you knew that?

Giriraj Swami: Really?

Devotee: That is what he told me.

Giriraj Swami: I didn’t know that. 

Devotee: And Prabhupada was very protective about when he go through customs, they checked, he wouldn’t let the devotees see what was inside the bag. Anyway I don’t know this is what he told me so I thought it was an interesting insight because he did want to go to Govardhana and I guess he had worshiped Govardhana all this life. 

Giriraj Swami: Very interesting.

Devotee: Yes, you have to ask Yugasena if you come across him. 

Giriraj Swami: Okay Amarendra Prabhu. 

Devotee: After Prabhupada promised the GBC and everybody that he wasn’t going to leave, what did you all do later on when it became imminent. Did anybody remind him, “Prabhupada you promised to stay, why are you leaving?” What happened at that stage? 

Giriraj Swami: Well, as one legal brain to another, after Srila Prabhupada agreed to stay he added a caveat, not exactly sure if that is the right word, but he said, “But still everything should go on normally.” So no one said that, and I don’t think anyone. . . it was very deep what was going on and obviously it was between Prabhupada and us but it was also between Prabhupada and Krishna. And yes, at that time Krishna took him. But when you meet Prabhupada, you can ask him.

Thank you. And it is such a basic truth but I am thinking of Srila Prabhupada’s own dedication to Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam, to his spiritual master Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura. He lives forever by his divine instructions and the follower that is with him. So we can realize the presence of the spiritual master through following his instructions, and that is why we are all here.

 Srila Prabhupada ki jaya! Gaura bhakta Vrinda ki jaya! Gaura premānande hari Haribol!